When we return, the boat continues to float, but Heidi is sinking fast. Audrina briefs Lauren on the Heidi drama, including her misguided attempt to storm out. Lauren obvs that they are On. A. Boat. For whatever reason (contractual bonuses?) she heads over to check on Heidi. Meanwhile, Airhead-iel herself is on the horn with Spencer, who -- it should be noted -- answers immediately. He fields shit from Heidi as Cameron grins deviously in the background. Heidi immediately rats him out. Which he deserves. Spencer straight-up declares that he is going to pop a cap in Cameron's ass... but, you know, Spencer-style. Slap fight!
Spencer's "friend" advises him it to let it be, but Spencer won't be placated. He takes a slug of water to prepare himself for battle, then heads over. At first it looks like he might be willing to resolve this civilly, but he is all kinds of emasculated and clearly aching for a fight. Granted, fuckwit Cameron's smarmy smile isn't doing him any favors. Spencer gets the crazy face on and pretty much takes anything as an excuse to slip off his jacket, all, "What?!" Spencer goads Cameron to get this party started, but Cameron doesn't really go for it. Before you know, Spencer issues a swift uppercut to Cameron's jaw (cheap) then gets six solid punches in before the bouncer breaks it up. Spencer all casually tells his posse to roll out, whilst Cameron and his bleeding jaw look on.
Back on the Love-Hate Boat, Heidi garners a ridiculous amount of sympathy for this little drama considering a.) She brought this shit show to someone else's birthday party and b.) She's generally on the outs with everyone here. She calls Spencer and occupies lots of people's attention with her dramatics as she asks why Spencer just attacked someone. All the while, Steph holds up her glowing Blackberry, all, "You see? He did this! Not me!" Finger-pointing phony... Heidi storms off, and Lauren follows?! Cut to a shot of Frankie and Brody gossiping like the clucking hens they are.
Lauren comforts a shaking Heidi, assuring that Spencer was just being a stupid, silly boy. But Heidi will not be calmed down. She turns on the same old tired script about what Spencer does for the 35 seconds a day when she's not with him. The irritation spreads across Lauren's face like a case of aggressive hives. It's her birthday, and she'll pry if she wants to! She calls Spencer an asshole and an awful person. Truth. Heidi says the last thing she wanted to do was come and crash the party and cause drama. Lauren shrugs her shoulders like, "Well, too late!" And also a little bit, like, "I'd call bullshit, but I'm too spent from the last two years to bother." Oh, honey, aren't we all?