The Hills

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You Say It’s Your Birthday?

Stephanie, pleased, says she thought Spencer and Heidi were ignoring her calls, which THEY WERE, and announces that this is the "best birthday ever." Brody says, "I'm gonna bounce." Stephanie asks why, and he says, "Look, I don't want drama. I just want to go have fun and party." Well, way to bitchily flounce out of the party than, asshole. This means, naturally, that Frankie has to go, too. Of course, Spencer has to prove Brody right by immediately asking Stephanie to get rid of the obnoxious chicks (Lauren and Lo).

So Lauren and Lo take off, too. And while we know that Spencer and Heidi's intentions are less than honorable here, I'd like to remind everyone ditching the party that they're supposed to be there for Stephanie (who, to be fair to Lauren and Lo, should be telling her brother to not be a douchebag, but after twenty-two years she's probably aware it seems to be part of his DNA).

The next day, as if Stephanie hasn't been punished enough, Spencer shows up at her apartment to talk about "everything that went down" last night. She says she was surprised to see him, and he gives her the "you're my sister" angle before hitting her with the "you jumped ship to the bad guys" guilt trip. She says she was friends with everyone. "When there's two ships, you're jumping ship," he says, which doesn't even mean anything. He mocks her for being the peacemaker: "It's like trying to tell Iran and Israel to get along. It's not going to happen." At this point, my head explodes from Spencer placing the inane squabbles of a group of L.A. pinheads on the same level as warring nations.

"You're more rash, and I'm more rational," Stephanie says, wondering why they can't all be friends. Like a six-year-old, Spencer says he doesn't want to be friends with her if she's friends with Lauren, pointing out she's only been friends with Lauren for three months, while she's known him for 22 years. Odd how he doesn't realize that the 22-years-vs.-three-months logic means he shouldn't cut his sister out of his life, but self-awareness isn't really Spencer's strong suit.

"At the end of the day, I can't change, I can't make you un [sic] my sister," he says, adding that in the past he would have if he could. "That's like, the most, like, hurtful thing..." says Stephanie, but Spencer's nowhere near finished. He says as long as she's hanging with that posse, he wants nothing to do with her. If Stephanie thinks perhaps he's not being straight up, that's a mistake on her part, because, as he puts it, "That's, like, straight up."

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The Hills

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