Wow, we're already in Colorado? Heidi's weave must have a transporter in it. Darlene welcomes her with open arms. I can't say I'd do the same. They feign small talk, chatting about Heidi's "uneventful" flight. But it leads to one of the most ham-handed segues the show has ever seen as Heidi moans, "unlike my life recently." And speaking of obvious fabrications, I love how Darlene has a plate of "freshly baked" cookies out on the table. I'm half expecting an LSD dream sequence in a minute, but that shit is too far even for this show. Heidi says she's sick and tired of being sick and tired. She tells Darlene the "good news" that she foisted a reunion on Lauren. Then she mentions the not-so-good news that Spencer's a rageaholic dickwad. Darlene points out the three seasons-old obvious fact that Spencer is the common denominator in all of this fuckery. Heidi thinks that everything is crumbling, but Darlene clings to the hope that things are looking up with Lauren (not true). Heidi says it's a big step. Yeah, it's real progress when someone chooses you over drowning on their birthday. Get a grip, Montag!
Back in L.A., Lauren and Stephanie shop for fabrics. Lauren was over this little excursion before it even began, and she's testy to start. Steph decides to forego this obvious clue and plow right into an uncomfortable topic: Lauren's birthday -- which she single-handedly ruined! Lauren doesn't acknowledge this or point fingers, though, diplomatically saying that the party was "more dramatic" than she would have liked. No matter, though, because Steph's already cooked up a lame-ass lie to throw at Lauren first chance: Heidi invited herself. Fucking. Liar. Hrmph. Add to that Insane! Lauren notes that, since Steph was there for the birth of the idea (whosever it was), perhaps she might have chipped in that Lauren's birthday wasn't the best time. Steph takes a classic play from the Pratt playbook and turns it on Lauren, saying Lauren went to a Bolthouse opening knowing that Heidi would be there. Lauren continues to try talking sense into La Pratt, mentioning that, clearly, those two are not the same situation. But, oh, how futile that is! The meth did some irreversible damage to this girl's head... Ultimately, Lauren seems to somewhat recognize not only that Steph was more involved than she lets on, but also that this is a ghost the horse face won't let die. Lauren point-blank tells Steph to "Let it go."
Across town, it's 2006 again as Brody meets Spencer at a vegan restaurant, which Brody deems "cute" (though not as "cute" as arthritis, I'm sure). For real, though... What? There are, like, 45 elements of weirdness operating simultaneously here. Spencer launches into the bullshit spiel he drafted and re-drafted over the last two years. Brody tells him to cut the bullshit, asking what's with the desperate message, like he was dying or something. Spencer unloads all of the various elements of his self-wrought misery. Brody tells him to put up or shut up; that he's a 25-year-old man-boy who should either grow up or revert to his old party boy antics. (Guess which side Brody is lobbying for.) Either way, the twain cannot meet.