Elsewhere, Audrina and Steph enter the den of my nightmares, what with its stuffed pig heads and over-styled casual vibe. Ugh. They're there to meet up with the band whores, who promptly invite themselves to stay at the girls' places. So subtle, so sophisticated! Audrina and the singer head off to intoxicate themselves some more, leaving Steph behind to tweak the guitarist's nipple rings. Because neither of them understands basic character arcs, it quickly comes out that they're both in quasi-relationships, though his is obviously more serious than hers. Like T.I., he has a "situation" at home. Steph practices what may be her first piece of good judgment ever and tells him to stop flirting with her. Audrina returns, and dubbed-over Steph tells her they need to get the hell outta dodge. With a touch more dubbing, the girls make an abrupt exit. It's back to the park for you tonight, boys. Outside, the girls snicker about what a-holes they just put on makeup for. This is the fabric of female bonding, y'all.

The next day, Spencer and Wild Bill head out for some bonding-slash-intimidating QT. We'll call it Brokeback Beach. Wild Bill gives Spencer a brief lesson on the history of cowboy-ing, then asks what Spencer's intentions with Heidi are. Wild Bill reminds Spencer that he's very protective of Heidi, giving him a pat on the back and saying "That's why God invented Colt .45s." Spencer's response? "That's why he did that. That's why! I knew there was a reason for those beautiful pistols." Priceless. Wild Bill says Heidi needs a strong family support around her but that Darlene will come around. Spencer lays it out there, acknowledging that he has been through thick and thin with Heidi (mostly of his own making) and promising that Wild Bill should have no worries about Spencer's intentions. He would like to keep his body free of shotgun holes, thank you very much. Wild Bill gives it a nice pause, then gives Spencer some constructive advice on how to keep Heidi. Some iteration of the phrase "Be nice" seems to pop up at every turn with this one, doesn't it? Just as frequent references to guns seems like breathing to Wild Bill. Speaking of, the Cowboy adds a coda: "Remember that your father-in-law carries a big gun."