People's Rev. ShePratt is late to her own firing. Stellar! Lauren is fairly efficient about getting to the booting. She tells the ShePratt that Kelly was not impressed with her work during the makeup shoot the other day and doesn't feel ShePratt has sufficient skills. To be an intern. No matter how much padding Lauren puts down, there is no way around the fact that ShePratt is an inept dolt. She couldn't even be kept on for free. Lauren states clearly that ShePratt will no longer be needed at People's Rev. Always true to form, ShePratt tearfully asks for clarification that she's being fired. Jesus! To be fair, though, she takes it with a fairly level head, acknowledging her part in all this. And then! The final testament to what a frackin' idiot she is, she asks if she should stick around. Why? Lauren gently nudges her out the door, but first gives her a little hug. Or, kisses her on the cheek as Kelly puts a gun to her back, as it were.
Another day, Steph meets Heidi for lunch, wearing the lowest-cut top possible. Seriously, I think I just saw Pratt tit. She sits down all dramatically, saying it's been such an insane week that she doesn't know where to begin. Heidi tells her to start with the most recent incident. Steph breaks the news that Lauren had to fire her, though you'll note her story seems to have shifted with time. It's now "Kelly's sadistic." Gone are those halcyon days of "Okay, I am actually a nimrod." Total addict behavior. All shitty actions become justifiable over time, don't they? Heidi offers to help her look for a job, but Steph can't even be bothered to flesh that situation out, lest the holes in her story be revealed, so she moves on to the one situation in which she has no blame -- the band guy and his live-in girlfriend. She acts like this fact will have any actual ramifications in her life. I mean, even if they did hook up, that was at least six months ago. How is this gnarly drama, as Steph classifies it? They were having a drink, then they weren't any more. What's your point? Regardless, Heidi is disgusted, positively aghast. Interestingly, she chooses not to tease out the insanely obvious parallels this kind of flirtation might have to her own relationship.Perhaps she alludes to it when she notes that she's having her first good week in months. Hilariously, Steph asks, "Why?!" with the most incredulous, almost plaintive tone. Like, "How could you do that to me?" Heidi notes all the forward movement she's made this week and sympathizes that the same isn't happening with Steph. Steph jumps back, apropos of nothing, to ask, "So what's this going to do to my friendship with Lauren?" Heidi looks on blankly.
Cut to Lauren and Lo lunching. Lo asks if Lauren thinks that firing Steph will affect their friendship. Lauren cringes that Steph cried... in front of the whole office. She says, with absolutely no self-awareness, "I don't know if I've ever made somebody cry before." Yeah, you've never made anybody cry... Lauren says she feels like she just told Steph that her boyfriend was cheating on her. Ironically, in a way, she did just break that news to whoever is living with that ugly guitarist... Lo reminds Lauren that, despite the Cutrone-induced torture initiation, Steph did contribute a lot to the coffers. Lauren checks another item off of her list of things to do before she can leave the show.
That night, Spencer shuffles Heidi onto a totally uncontrived ferris wheel ride, despite her proclaimed fear of heights, saying "I'm trying to be romantic, dear." They way he says "dear" is full of menace, just like how A-hole says "honey!" At any rate, Spencer "knows people" and has hooked it up so that the wheel stops at the top for his grandiose millionth proposal. You see, this scheme is brilliant in its simplicity: Step 1: Terrify Heidi; Step 2: Propose; Step 3: Tell her that you won't come down until she says yes; Step 4: Happily ever after!
So Spencer makes his pitch, telling Heidi he secured Wild Bill's approval and asking her if she's game to "try the whole 'marriage' thing again." Awesomely, she tells him that marriage only effs up their relationship. He claims that marriage will somehow magically strengthen their relationship. Yes, marriage as Super Glue -- binding you together because there's no other choice. Just as God intended! Heidi says that many steps must be taken before they get married. Namely, making things right with Darlene and Lauren, not to mention arranging the big blow-out she's been talking about since their first fake beach engagement. BTW, one of the above things does not belong with the others. Why is Lauren Conrad a factor in Speidi's dream wedding?
Spencer assures Heidi that he loves her more than anything and will do whatever Heidi asks. Then, seeing that she is still uncertain, he brings out the big guns. And this is Spencer, so you know it's not them prairie guns that Wild Bill is always going on about. Instead, it's a big thing that sparkles. All the better to blind Heidi into submission with! As soon as Heidi sees the ring, she's signed up. Such depth! God help us all. There is much squealing, as she jabs her acrylic into Spencer's chest, warning him that they are going to be married "'til death do us part," not "'til divorce do us part." Spencer says he doesn't even know what divorce is, acknowledging that, by "death" in this instance would mean certain death by cowboy shotgun.