The Hills

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
Forgive And Forget

Previously: Audrina got a promotion at her "job." Lauren wasn't interested in talking to Heidi, but may be forced to do so because of Heidi's "job" at Bolthouse.

Lisa Love (who has been all over this show lately -- I smell spinoff!) tells Whitney and Lauren that she needs them to attend an event sponsored by Norman Lear to promote voting. Seriously. You could not have come up with a better comedy option. Whitney and Lauren check out the invitation, and you can tell they are thinking, "Norman Lear? Wasn't he on the first season of Real World? Or is he the guy who invented the planes? And voting for what exactly? The Golden Globes? Because I heard we might get nominated for best sound editing in a reality show." At the very least, these two have no fucking clue who Norman Lear is. They check out the web site and find a list of the celebs who will be attending, and also discover that Brent Bolthouse is on the board of the charity. Whitney wonders if Heidi will be there, and Lauren acts like she asked if they will be handing out free Ebola virus. Seriously, given the list of "attendees" (about three-fourths of whom won't be there), I think the party will be big enough that they can avoid stupid Heidi.

Bolthouse. Heidi and Kimberly met up in the break room and decide to go to the event together. There's going to be a red carpet! And Spencer's not going? How did he not weasel his way into that?

Red Carpet. Celebrities. Lauren and Whitney walk in and celebrate that they get to go to this event and not work. They don't get to walk the red carpet though. They talk about the hot guys nearby too.

Heidi and Kimberly walk in and -- they are having the same conversation Lauren and Whitney were having! Weird!

Lauren and Whitney are in the not-at-all crowded event, and decide to head outside where all the action is. Whitney asks why Audrina didn't come. Lauren says that they only had two tickets, plus Audrina is on a date with JB.

What a convenient segue to Audrina and JB on his stupid motorcycle going to yet another bar. JB is apparently trying to get his hair to dread up, because he's determined to be as big of a douchebag as possible. Audrina starts bragging about her new job, and JB lets out a giant belch right when she's in the middle of a sentence. They make plans together for the next night, and then JB belches again. Look, I'm all about belching, but there's a time and a place.

Heidi spots Lauren and tells Kimberly what's going on. Meanwhile, Whitney asks if this is awkward. Heidi walks up and says hi to Lauren, who just squints at her. Whitney awesomely introduces herself. Heidi lies that she wanted to see how Lauren was doing. Lauren says, "If you want to apologize to me, I'll talk to you." Look, starting a sex tape rumor was shitty, and I have no doubt that Heidi aided and abetted that process. But Lauren? Get down from the cross, because we could use the wood. Jeezum Crow. Anyway, I should probably transcribe the rest of this verbatim.

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The Hills




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