Stephanie's Apartment. Um, I thought it was a condo? According to Spencer last week? Anyway, Spencer makes a giant sandwich and claims that half of it is for Stephanie, but she's going out. She actually tells him which bar she's going to, and that Heidi will be there, in case you were wondering whose side she's actually on. She pretends to be all reluctant about it, but you know she can't wait for the inevitable confrontation when Spencer shows up at the club with...no one, since he has no friends.
S Bar. Audrina and Chiara hang out. Heidi and Stephanie show up and Stephanie tells "hilarious" stories about how Spencer has taken over her condo with his crap. Seriously, do Heidi and Stephanie ever talk about anything besides Spencer and Lauren? Don't they have, like, hobbies? Or read a magazine or a newspaper once in a while? I know you're laughing because I think Heidi can read. Shut up. Momentary lapse.
People's Revolution. Lauren thinks Whitney has a dream job, and is dropping such heavy hints that she wants to work there too that I think one of them just fell on my toe. Ouch! Anyway, Kelly pops up like a crow (CAW! CAW!) and repeats her speech about wearing all black and no boobies showing at the fashion shows. Lauren asks if she's supposed to work the fashion shows, since no one was clear on that detail, and Kelly says that they do need her and then just walks away without saying goodbye or good luck or any of the social pleasantries that make us human beings. Maybe she really is part crow! Crowy Cutrone? Kelly Crow-trone? Kelly Cut-crow? I think I like the middle one best.
So, to the surprise of no one, Spencer shows up at S Bar with his alleged friend Kevin. Heidi notices and wonders how he found out where they'd be. Stephanie keeps her big trap shut for once. Heidi watches as Spencer flirts with some girls over how he sips his shots. Who does that? If you're going to sip a drink, get a real drink, in a real drink glass, with ice and whatnot. What a douche move to sip liquor from a shot glass. No wonder Spencer's all over it. Anyway, he asks the girl if she takes her shots all in one go, which seems like a double entendre, but a lame one at that. Meanwhile, Heidi is all talking shit about how she's pissed and she's going to cut a bitch, and her anger is so misdirected. How about being mad at Spencer? The girls have no obligation to Heidi, if they even know who she is. So the thing that pushes Heidi into leaving? She finds out that Spencer and the girls are doing shots. She gets all angry: "They're taking shots? They're taking shots? They're taking shots?" Like a shot is the equivalent of a blowjob somehow. Anyway, then Heidi and Spencer have a totally fake fight by the bathrooms, and it's perfectly miked and lit and everything, so you know it was set up, unlike Audrina and JB's big parking lot fight earlier this season. And it's really not worth worrying about. Heidi's mad that Spencer was talking to girls. Spencer doesn't get why she's mad. The end.