Spencer asks where they're staying, which segues seamlessly into the no-sex-before-marriage conversation when they mention that they've booked separate rooms. Spencer can't contain his dismissive sighing when they mention how saving themselves is important to them. Which is wildly rude if you think about it. It's not like they're trying to convert him or espousing the merits of child abuse or something. They're simply explaining their personal stance on a question that he asked. Ugh. Luckily, they're too oblivious to notice. Heidi jokes that Spencer "is, like, Hugh Hefner, Jr." Which, if I recall correctly, wasn't so funny a few seasons ago when he was partying with Playmates. But now if it's in service of making other people feel ignorant and/or inferior and justify your own relationship, well then by all means! Mr. Jackcheese explains that he was raised Southern Baptist and that sex is just one of many things that are verboten, including dancing. Something tells me Spencer is going to storm this barn like Ren McCormack on prom night. Apropos of that, he invites Mr. Jackcheese to come boxing with him tomorrow, adding in one last jibe -- "I know you got some aggression to get out" -- as he takes a sip of the Devil's nectar.
Hawaii. The girls primp in their hotel room before dinner. Steph plottingly says that the boys must be pissed at them for crashing. Lauren points out the obvious that they wouldn't have decided to hang out all day and go to dinner with them if they were genuinely mad. Knowing that opportunity to stir up trouble is lost, Steph moves on. Into the bathroom, specifically, where she can use her feeble mind to manipulate Audrina's even feebler mind. Audrina admits that she's always felt an attraction with Brody but never went there. Steph latches onto this like the blood-sucking tick she is and basically tells Audrina to hook up with Brody. You can literally see the gears creakily turning in her head as she comes up with one lame justification after another about why this obviously left-field, awful idea is indeed a good one. She even claims that it will make JB jealous. Mmmhmmmm.
L.A. Spencer literally and metaphorically uses Mr. Jackcheese as his punching bag, harassing him nonstop for a good hour about his decision to wait until marriage. Again with the creaking and the prodding at vulnerable points. This scene, paired with the last, is actually an amazing opportunity to case study the Pratt M.O. Anyhow, Mr. Jackcheese says he prays the hormones away. God bless him, Mr. Jackcheese is a pristine example of good Christian behavior, letting Spencer be as horrible and patronizing as he wants, evening humoring his idea that heaven is one big orgy. Impressively, it actually kind of lures Spencer over to his side. Spencer asks where in the Bible God commands people not to have sex before marriage. Mr. Jackcheese offers to find it for him, then casually suggests they have a Bible study that night and talk about it. And that, my friends, is called well-done ministering. Knowing he's met his match, Spencer stops trying to fuck with Mr. Jackcheese's head and stoops to insulting him, saying that hanging out with him is like "hanging out with an alien." Ding ding! This round goes to the Cheese.