Stepford Heidi's battery finally reboots, and she responds with the greatest non sequitur ever: "You been working out a lot?" WHAT?! Lauren is so awesomely blindsided that she actually plays along for a little while. Then, Heidi's real self peeks through one last time and notes that she feels like things have been changing around her even though she never mentally left that happy time in her late teens when things were happy and uncomplicated. It's not exactly accurate to what I understand of off-screen Heidi and her unabashed brand-building, but it's a sweet, sentimental notion that I suspect a lot of people in the show's target demographic will relate to. Lauren closes by telling Heidi that, if she ever really needs anything (read: a place to stay when she breaks up with Spencer), then Lauren will be there. Heidi acknowledges this gesture, then snaps back to Stepford Heidi mode. Lauren decides to make an expedient exit by claiming she needs some champagne. Stepford Heidi offers to get it for her, but Lauren declines. With that, the frenemies share a hug and walk out -- together but in two totally different directions.

Speidi Web. Spencer emerges and notes that Darlene is up early. She pointedly says that she had trouble sleeping the night before. Spencer shows Darlene the Mexican wedding pictures, which allows her to segue to today's City Hall sojourn. She reads him the riot act about his devious elopement plot and his success in manipulating Heidi into abandoning her dream wedding. She vows she will not let them legalize the marriage. He throws it in her face that Heidi is now his wife (under Jose Cuervo's jurisdiction, at least) and that they're going to spend their lives together whether she likes it or not. He basically acts as impudent and smug as he always does around Darlene. For her part, she should realize that approaching him in the same way time and again isn't going to produce different results. The Crazy Train Express to Prattville can't be stopped, Darlene. Just face it.