They take a lap and run into Holly, who looks pretty damn glamorous, and Stephanie, who is wearing a sheer orange shirt and a dead animal over her shoulders. Are we sure she's not still on meth? Because that ensemble does not speak to her sobriety. And speaking of Stephanie, I am heretofore reinstating the name "ShePratt" because Stephanie is so God-awful lame and desperate and transparent and contrived that she doesn't even deserve a first name. (A little harsh, maybe? Well suck it!) So ShePratt jokes around with Heidi, calling her "Mrs. Pratt" because life-long commitment is so hilarious!
Then (dun dun dun!) she spots Lauren and makes an extremely awkward wave over to Lauren and Lo, which sparks the "Should we or shouldn't we talk to each other" debate on both sides. Lauren quickly decides to continue ignoring the peroxide-blonde elephant in the room, whereas Stepford Heidi lets ShePratt talk her into approaching Lauren on the basis that Lauren is at a Bolthouse/SBE event and clearly knew she would run into Heidi. It's a weak argument with fairly twisted logic, but it's what ShePratt needs to keep herself relevant on the show, so whatevs...
Heidi breaks up Lauren's conversation and asks Lo to give them some one-on-one time. Lauren takes the first of many chugs of champagne to get through this shit show. Heidi asks how Lauren is doing. She says fine and asks the same back. Stepford Heidi says she's good. Silence. Lauren says she hates the pervasive awkwardness. Heidi admits she misses her. For her part, Lauren seems to sense that the HeidiBot isn't running at full capacity, so she asks if she's okay. As a (rather unconvincing) means of claiming she is, Stepford Heidi brings up the Mexican wedding. Lauren cuts to the chase and asks if she's happy. Stepford Heidi insists she is, and Lauren says that's all that matters. Then she asks whether Darlene is happy, and Heidi starts crying because it's been a really hard transition. Lauren gives her a sincere hug and a "Chin up!" speech to make Heidi realize that she still has a lot of supportive people around her, even if Darlene hasn't come around yet. Heidi says the only person missing is Lauren, but she knows that that's not going to change in the near future. Lauren pulls out the tried-and-true reality show quote -- "It is what it is" -- because she sure as hell isn't going to make nice with Spencer any time soon.
Stepford Heidi's battery finally reboots, and she responds with the greatest non sequitur ever: "You been working out a lot?" WHAT?! Lauren is so awesomely blindsided that she actually plays along for a little while. Then, Heidi's real self peeks through one last time and notes that she feels like things have been changing around her even though she never mentally left that happy time in her late teens when things were happy and uncomplicated. It's not exactly accurate to what I understand of off-screen Heidi and her unabashed brand-building, but it's a sweet, sentimental notion that I suspect a lot of people in the show's target demographic will relate to. Lauren closes by telling Heidi that, if she ever really needs anything (read: a place to stay when she breaks up with Spencer), then Lauren will be there. Heidi acknowledges this gesture, then snaps back to Stepford Heidi mode. Lauren decides to make an expedient exit by claiming she needs some champagne. Stepford Heidi offers to get it for her, but Lauren declines. With that, the frenemies share a hug and walk out -- together but in two totally different directions.