Speidi Web. Spencer emerges and notes that Darlene is up early. She pointedly says that she had trouble sleeping the night before. Spencer shows Darlene the Mexican wedding pictures, which allows her to segue to today's City Hall sojourn. She reads him the riot act about his devious elopement plot and his success in manipulating Heidi into abandoning her dream wedding. She vows she will not let them legalize the marriage. He throws it in her face that Heidi is now his wife (under Jose Cuervo's jurisdiction, at least) and that they're going to spend their lives together whether she likes it or not. He basically acts as impudent and smug as he always does around Darlene. For her part, she should realize that approaching him in the same way time and again isn't going to produce different results. The Crazy Train Express to Prattville can't be stopped, Darlene. Just face it.
Palm Springs. Audrina and JB pat themselves on the back for exchanging the Friendship Ring. JB claims he meant everything he said and has no regrets. Well, he actually remembered their conversation, so that's probably progress from a couple years ago, right? He tells her that she's special to him, and they cuddle.
Back in L.A., Spencer, Stepford Heidi, and ShePratt arrive for the most amazing wedding ever (which was also a big, steaming load of hooey -- big shock)! And what in Perez's name is ShePratt wearing? It's like one part Nomi Malone, three parts streetwalker, and a pinch of "Whoops! I forgot my pants!" In the wake of her hooker heels is a gung-ho Spencer, who is busily trying to distract Heidi with his flashy rings. Still, she sadly says she thought her mom would be there to support her. She excuses herself to "freshen up," a.k.a. sob into her purse in the bathroom.
As Heidi and her butt-clinging, totally inappropriate wedding dress clack off to the powder room, ShePratt tries to dissuade Spencer from going through with the wedding. He cites all the effort he expended in putting on a three-piece suit and filling out forms as reasons why the show must go on. Which, coming from a guy whose most vigorous activity on any given day is e-mailing Perez Hilton, I guess he's got a point. Still, ShePratt doesn't want Stepford Heidi to remember this day because she wasn't on good terms with her family. Spencer insists, "I did not force her to come to the court house. Do you think I dressed her up in that outfit and put on her shoes...?" Yes, Spencer. Now that you mention it, I do. ShePratt persists that Heidi will regret this. Spencer continues to miss the point, emphasizing how quick it will be. ShePratt puts in one last shot, saying getting married today would be wrong, so Spencer should wait until Stepford Heidi is on better terms with her mom. Spencer has a thoughtful look on his face as Heidi -- as if on cue! -- returns from the bathroom. The sham spouses clasp hands and walk in the court room.