That night, Kristin meets JB at a wine bar. They discuss Heidi's party. Big surprise, JB is making no commitments. He ignores the fact that he's a huge flake (or maybe has learned not to make any promises to Kristin, lest she cut him off from sex again) and instead says he doesn't want to run into Audrina. He pawns it off like he's so over the roller coaster with her, even though he's fricking running the ride. He says now that they're not talking or seeing each other (lie), Audrina might befriend Kristin. Of course it's all a ruse to run some reverse psychology gambits with Kristin. He claims he wants Kristin to know everything but it's really some screwed-up, twisting-into-itself insinuation that Audrina is not to be trusted. Kristin stares him down a bit, then tells him that all she wants is honesty. He agrees. Strike 436?

Speidi Web 2.0. Heidi complains that Spencer is sitting on his ass instead of helping her prepare for the party. They run down the guest list: Brody and Kristin are coming together on account of The Break. They take bets on whether Audrina and Kristin will kiss and make up or start pulling weaves by night's end. Heidi predicts the former, Spencer hopes for the latter. Heidi asks what Spencer got her for her birthday, telling him it better be amazing since she's setting up her own birthday party. Spencer claims it's a sentimental gift. So another $10,000 purse then? Hopefully loaded with potatoes for throwin' and dry shampoo.

Later, Audrina and ShePratt make their way to the party. ShePratt warns Audrina that Kristin will be there. Audrina rehashes her non-date mental dry hump with JB. ShePratt salivates over a potential clash as she asks (read: suggests) Audrina if she's going to tell Kristin about it.

Back at the Web, it's Jen Bunney. Now that Brody's single-ish again, maybe he'll donate a charity hump for old times' sake. Speaking of, Brody and Kristin arrive. Once the motley crew of about five people is assembled -- and, honestly, it's kind of a marvel that Speidi could coerce that many people to spend a night with them. (That Adam DiVello could? Less surprising.) Spencer makes a toast to Heidi and then unveils his present to Heidi, saying, "Here come the only babies this husband is ever going to provide." It's a Louis Vuitton bag with two Maltipoos in it. Distracted by fluffy things, Heidi ignores the totally dickheaded, cardboard baby-style dig that proceeded them. Seriously, was a public birthday party the place to say something like that? I know we're talking about Spencer here, but how inappropriate can you be without collapsing on yourself? And the scariest part is, no one bats an eyelash. Heidi even squeals that these may in fact be the only babies she ever needs. (In a related note, remember Bella? Because Heidi sure doesn't.) Brody ribs Spencer that of course he doesn't want babies because they'd be like him. Ha ha ha! Serious cracks in the marital foundation! Ha ha! This is a warped world, my friends.