Previously: Stephanie's a Pratt. Spencer, too. In Colorado, Heidi saw an old flame (through no involvement on Darlene's part, she swears!). And Spencer remained a Pratt, with a paid fling.
Stephanie and some idiotic hat walk into the Speidi Web. Even Spencer mocks the cap. Does that lower me somehow? Steph stirs up shit by telling Spencer about Heidi seeing her old boyfriend. Spencer immediately sees through the ruse, yet remains miffed by it. Weak. Steph stirs up some more shit by asking if Spencer's still jeepin' with the (paid) other woman. He tells her it's none of her business and then is all, "Yeah, but I'll go do that now." Idiots! Steph tells him to be on his best behavior. Credits.
People's Rev. Lauren reports up to Kelly "HBIC" Cutrone's office. Kelly compliments her shirt, and there are about eight seconds of residual awkwardness. I suspect getting complimented by Kelly is like feeling a cool breeze kiss your neck right before someone punches it. You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. So Kelly tells Lauren they need to fix the Whit-less situation by hiring another intern. A whole gaggle of interns does not a full-time employee replace, but that's a professional philosophy that Ms. Cutrone and I obviously don't share. She asks if Lauren knows anyone at FIDM. Lauren's like, "Yeah, everyone I know... which is Stephanie Pratt." Kelly ominously warns Lauren to be careful with her referrals, especially if she plans to vouch for a friend. Ooooh! Story arc foreshadowing. Loving it.
Lauren and Steph meet up and make small talk about the pressure in L.A. to be thin, and Lauren pretends that she's actually just a fat-ass in baggy clothes. The paparazzi beg to differ. Lauren mentions that Kelly is looking for another intern. What a coincidence! Steph says she should probably move on from her current internship. Lauren encourages her to try out multiple internships during her school years. Steph asks how she can apply for the position, so Lauren idiotically offers to get her an interview with KC. Steph fantasizes about working with the Dragon Lady herself. She thinks she's got this one in the proverbial (hand)bag -- spoiler alert!
Speidi Web. Spencer returns to find Heidi is back from Colorado. Why does he look like a Polo teddy bear? Spencer snottily asks about Heidi's mom. Not helping! If you know someone passionately dislikes you, how about not taking every possible chance to shit on them? Especially when they're your Mexican mother-in-law. Heidi mentions that she and Darlene discussed Bartender Stacie, Spencer's paid new maybe-girlfriend, and Spencer snipes back that Heidi's a hypocrite for hanging out with her ex-boyfriend. Heidi points out the elemental difference between taking shots with a girl who you're mentally undressing and begging to hop on a bar and shake her shit, versus having dinner with your family and running into someone you dated, like eight years ago who lives in the same town as them. In short, they're both not cheating, but Spencer's an a-hole. Heidi, too, but not in this instance. Spencer twists the knife, saying the last three days without her were a blissful break from fighting. Eventually they get tired of spinning around the toilet bowl -- at least for a little while -- and admit that they're sick of each other. They're in fine company. Heidi pushes one last time whether Spencer saw BS while she was gone. He lies and says no. She is at a loss for words. Commercials.