Spencer asks if Kristin's single. Heidi says yes, and Spencer's all. "Uh-oh! Audrina better watch out. Justin Bobby's gonna get swooped!" Why are we still pretending there's something there? They broke up, like, 40 times, with increasingly less passion each time. Spencer introduces the idea that maybe Kristin could even try to hook it up with Brody again, because she's "the real deal female player." Heidi rotes that no one is ready for Kristin, and the fleshbeard awakens to emit a cackle. Is this what Speidi sense sounds like? I shudder to think.

Brody's condo. Brody has been re-dubbed "Kristin's Ex-Boyfriend." Wow -- that, coupled with the fact that he's the lowest-paid person on the show, has got to hurt. Probably not as much as the mind-numbing exercise of watching Jayde riffle through her bikinis and sundresses for the party. He's all, "Really, honey, we've all seen it. Just go naked and save us all some breath." She admits that she's delaying going to the party because she doesn't want to meet Brody's ex. She asks about the circumstances of their relationship. He can't give her a concrete answer why they broke up, so she thinks he's being shady. She asks if Kristin's nice, and he says she is, if you don't piss her off. A ringing endorsement.

Kristin's Malibu pad. She struts into her car in cut-off shorts and high heels. No comment. As she's driving to the pool party, Speidi arrives with two bottles of tequila in hand, thumbing their nose at learning from personal experience. Audrina and Lo (re-dubbed "Audrina's Friend" -- what?) also arrive, with ShePratt in tow. And finally Justin Bobby, verging on a Benicio del Toro aesthetic. Shots are taken, hugs are shared, and sideways glances are shot, respectively. Speidi wax poetic about their honeymoon stage. Worth noting: Spencer has a crystal-clear martini in his hand. This is going nowhere fast.