The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
Last-Bitch Effort

Audrina's house. Lo and ShePratt say they've been going out without her and encountering some crazy bitches. As usual, it's ShePratt who races to the point: Kristin was a major hussy at Frankie's birthday. Audrina thinks if they give Kristin enough rope, she'll hang herself with it. It's a fair point, but Lo remains bothered that Kristin won't even act cordial with them. She says you don't act that way with your girlfriends. Again, a fair point. Doesn't apply here. Audrina says that Kristin shouldn't just traipse in and start messing with people's lives because they have feelings and hearts. Of course, I read this on the meta level, talking about how Kristin basically took over their show. Though I suspect Audrina, as much as she claims to be an actress, may mean it literally. Which is just kind of sad. And funny. These aren't real people or real relationships, silly girl. ShePratt takes that as her in to talk about JB and Kristin flirting at Frankie's party. She sticks the knife in real good, saying they probably went home together. Audrina squeezes a tear from the bag of saline strapped in her eyelid. Adele starts crooning "Hometown Glory." At last, some authentic emotion!

Elsewhere, JB meets Kristin for their dinner date. She says she thought twice about meeting him tonight. She suggests Audrina still has feelings for him and says she's been in similar situations before. JB sticks to his story that he was never exclusive with Audrina. Which was exactly the problem! Kristin says Audrina's actions betray that she's in love with him. Call it feminine intuition. She explains the One That Got Away theory to JB, who asks, "Do you hear how that sounds?" I love how he's perpetually acted like he's trying to be all level-headed about things when he's clearly stroking himself under the table thinking about his own head trip-inducing powers. He knows exactly what he's doing. Jackass.

And so the date continues, even though they're both pretending to have an earnest conversation about Audrina's feelings. JB asks if Kristin is still hung up on her one that got away. She avoids the question. She says, non sequitur, that she knows instantly when she's attracted to someone. He teases, "Like when you were asking me about the bike and going on dates and stuff?" She laughs self-consciously. He says it was cute. She claims she just wanted to ride the motorcycle, but he calls her bluff.

He asks when her birthday is. She says January 5th. She says she's a Capricorn: stubborn and organized. And suddenly they're talking about her place. She says coyly, "I have the best bed." He hints that she's turning him on with all this talk of Harleys and beds. He impishly tells her she's evil. She smiles slyly and replies, "I knew what I was getting myself into."

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The Hills




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