The Hills

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Incompetence Reigns Supreme

Downtown, Audrina assists in organizing a showcase for Epic. She actually looks like she's doing some things! Am I drinking the Kool-Aid or what? Once the show starts, Audrina's phone rings. It's JB, who seems wildly insistent that they have a conversation despite Audrina mentioning she's at work. See above. Also? Surely he can't even hear her over the racket? Or maybe I'm just drinking whatever old people drink? Metamucil? Either way, they make plans to see each other the next day.

The next day at the photo shoot, Johnny Depp is doing hair! It's an all-star production! Lo works with her new boss, the Smashbox Co-Founder Davis Factor. He mentions he has requested some specific looks as Lauren comes in with scads of clothes. When they set up, Lo notices that all the clothes from a specific designer are conspicuously absent. Lauren's immediate reaction? "Stephanieeeee." Lo's all, "Oh, girl... you did not trust her with actual work did you?" Lauren calls Steph, who is lunching with her latest VD dealer. Lauren doesn't directly tell Steph to leave lunch and fix the problem, but she is hinting all around it. Steph is either wildly obtuse or flat-out hag because she is super-reluctant to leave her date. I suspect it's a little from Column A, a little from Column B. Okay, a lot from Column B. Lauren finally gives up, groaning that she'll just figure it out herself before hanging up on ShePratt in mid-sentence.

That night, Heidi pulls out her finest hookeriffic LBD to go see BS. They both helium-voice a curt "Funny seeing you here!" Ooh-wee, weaves will fly tonight! BS continues to take zero responsibility for her part in this contrived drama and pointedly says Spencer's "not worth it." Heidi rightly points out that BS could easily remedy all this by removing herself from the equation. BS doesn't take kindly to being blamed for Heidi and Spencer's problems, so she drags it out some more. Heidi awesomely tells BS to text one of the two-odd million other guys in L.A., even pointing to the two guys on her immediate left and right as for examples. The conversation devolves into a discussion of the two girls' respect (or lack thereof) for each other and "Don't judge me!" and whatnot. Heidi is all, "In sum, you're a rude, homewrecking slut." BS sees that and raises it: "You're crazy. I feel bad for you. Your boyfriend's a dick, and good luck!" Agree to disagree then?

Meanwhile, Audrina meets JB and does exactly what she should have done about 40 episodes -- she cuts through the bullshit and says it is over. And good on her for finally biting the bullet, but, for real, he looks crazy in the eyes right now. Like, Jonathan Rhys Meyers levels of ocular insanity. JB : bugged-out eyes :: Audrina : white teeth. Though, perhaps his eyes are just wide because he's simply shocked she grew some balls. She reiterates her point, saying they should not be friends or even have any contact, then briskly walks out. He follows her and they have more of the same, but on the sidewalk. Audrina turns snap diva for about five seconds before JB brings up the fauxmance Bromance showmance, arguing that she wouldn't be so happy about if it were, say, him and Lauren. A fact we know to be true. No matter, though, because the editors cut to a long shot, and JB loses all credibility because of the Pippy Longstockings he is rocking under his boots. They call each other liars a bunch of times and part ways. Oh, and there's a close-up of the stockings!

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The Hills

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