The Hills
Loves Me Not

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!

Previously: ShePratt failed at love... and breathalyzers. Heidi failed at family... and facial movement. Kristin failed to provoke Brody's jealousy in Costa Rica. "But now I had a decision to make. But knowing what to do and actually doing it are two very different things..."

Lo, ShePratt, and Holly meet up for lunch. Lo and ShePratt are going to da club that night, but Holly denies them the dance because her mom Darlene's coming into town. Holly hasn't told Darlene about the Speidi reality TV embargo of 2010 and wonders what to do if Darlene wants to see the Artist Formerly Known as Heidi. Darlene isn't the giving-up type, apparently. The girls change topic as Lo proudly announces that she and her boyfriend Scott are celebrating their one-year anniversary soon. They pat Lo's back for not being as emotionally stunted and unlovable as they are.

Lo asks for the Costa Rica recap. ShePratt rehashes the drama between Kristin and Brody, including but not limited to the damnation of Brody calling Kristin his "sister." They agree that Kristin takes their hook-up more seriously than she lets on -- and that Brody knows what a colossal prick he's being by playing with her like he does. And, just like Jennifer Aniston, ShePratt deems his actions, "Not cool." Credits.

Brody and Frankie roll into the auto shop where Sleazy T works. They dish about the dramz in the CR, summing up that Kristin's a conniving, sensitive hag. Out of nowhere, Brody says he is dating someone else, which comes as a surprise to the fellas. Bros before hos, Brodester. Never forget! And as soon as the attention's back on him -- and not on Kristin -- he acts all coy. They drop the topic like a hot potato the minute they get to test drive some motorcycles. Oh those boys and their symbolic phalluses! Would it surprise you if I told you Frankie lags behind and is all, "Wait for me guys!" Nah, didn't think so. Oh yeah, and then he breaks the bike. Age really does take its toll on hand-eye coordination.

Meanwhile, Holly picks up Darlene from the airport. She preempts the inevitable discomfort by saying that she has no way of getting in touch with Heidi and that everyone in the gang has essentially written Jocelyn Wildenstein Jr. off. Darlene doesn't approve, saying she thinks Heidi will eventually come around. Even as she says this, though, her voice is breaking and Holly's looking over at her with sad eyes. Wow, what a fun start to the trip! Let's go to the La Brea Tar Pits next and think about all the dead dinosaurs, shall we?

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The Hills




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