The Hills
Loves Me Not

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Penultimatums

The next day, ShePratt gives Lo the skinny on her date with Josh at yoga class. Lo goes quid pro quo by announcing Scott's invitation to shack up. She mentions her rule not to move in unless she's engaged, but ShePratt thinks she should go for it anyway. I think it's utterly superfluous at this juncture to point out that ShePratt is precisely the last person in the world from whom to take advice. In less happy news, Lo mentions that Kristin called and asked for a sad sister sit-down, though she didn't specify why just yet.

Across town, Holly and Darlene do lunch. Holly gives in and tries to call Heidi because Darlene knows ol' Penelope Plastic definitely won't take a call from her. Holly not only doesn't get an answer but can't access a voicemail. Darlene runs down the collapse of Heidi's social support system. She says she hasn't slept for months because she's been worrying about Heidi's struggle to choose between Spencer and her family. She tearfully says she's had trouble getting through the day because she's been mourning the loss of a child. She vows to do everything humanly possible to try to get her daughter back.

Later, Kristin woefully waits for Lo. She spills about Brody's secret girlfriend, acknowledging that she bought into the hype. She wipes a (fake?) tear away from her eye at the admission that Brody doesn't love her after all. Lo asks what's next. Kristin doesn't know because she's still reeling from being shut down for the first time in her life. Lo tells her it's an age-old story and not to let Brody Jenner, King of Idiots, make her feel like an idiot. Lo harkens to Kristin's Queen Bee status in high school, which should actually probably make Kristin even sadder. It's meant as a reminder of who Kristin truly is, but it's really a testament that her best days are behind her. Lo might as well get a dessert with the worlds "Look how the mighty have fallen!" scrolled on it in chocolate sauce.

Kristin fortunately doesn't absorb all those layers because she's still heart-stricken and embarrassed at being rejected. Lo wonders whether Brody really doesn't love her, or whether it's just the curse of bad timing. Kristin tries to figure it out but has to stop talking when her eyes well up. Lo grabs her hands consolingly. Kristin pulls herself together and announces, "It's done."

Next week: Series finale! Audrina and ShePratt shack up, sans ring, like the two saddest and prettiest little leftovers that they are. Lo gets engaged! Brody and Kristin call it a day once and for all.

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The Hills

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