The Hills

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Booze and Boos

Previously: Holly was a sloppy drunken mess at Heidi's rehearsal dinner. Fumes were practically wafting off of her. And that potato she lobbed at Heidi's over-priced purse? Soaked in vodka. Elsewhere, Audrina was a big, saucer-eyed hypocrite, criticizing Kristin for dating the ex of a "friend" (her) then chatting up Justin Bobby's homeboy. "And everyone said Justin was up to his old tricks, but I knew how to play this game. Now I was about to find out exactly who was playing who..."

Kristin lunches with Lo. She mentions going back to Laguna that weekend for some down time, then launches into a rehash of the dramatics at Brody's birthday party and her after-party. Kristin notes the tension between Brody and Jayde. Lo says they're always "either ferociously making out or screaming at each other." Kristin says JB never came to the party and that it did actually upset her a little because she sees the "real," nice JB under all those layers of Pigpen-like dirt. Lo's all, "I hate to say it, but I told you so." Kristin assures her that she's going to make Justin work extra hard now. She's ready to spar. Credits.

Kelly! She does not hook up. The girls on this show might be well-advised to adopt that policy. And speaking of walks of shame, ShePratt looks like she's in the throes of one as she walks her raggedy ass in ripped-up jeans to Audrina's place. Once in, Audrina catches her up on her date with Derek. In the "Pro" category: He's the anti-JB. Sign #1 your relationship is doomed: The first and best way you can describe someone is as "not my ex." Especially when said ex is still texting you. Nonetheless, Audrina plans to go out with Derek again that weekend. She claims she's moved on and is no longer the insecure, easily manipulated girl she was with him. Maybe she'll do us all a mitzvah and send JB over ol' Rumer Willis's way?

Laguna Beach. Kristin walks in her parents' house to find her dad popping a bottle of wine. That's just how my parents greet me when I visit home. Good stuff. He asks her about all the old faces he remembers, pointedly asking if Brody is still "in love with himself." Kristin can't help herself and lets out a hearty laugh. She stifles it to claim that Brody's grown up a lot since they dated. Yeah, and you could so tell from his second-grade themed birthday party. There was practically a petting zoo for cryin' out loud! Kristin's dad won't let up on what a d-bag Brody is. And, for that, I kind of love him.

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The Hills

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