The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: F | Grade It Now!
Booze and Boos

Kristin moves on, telling the 'rents about JB and their romantic ride on the hog. She notes that he's Italian to score some points, then mentions the "ITALIA" tattoo. Mr. Kristin rips into that one, too. I think I may be falling in love with this man. Move over, MILF-y second wife! Kristin admits JB's a bit of a flake and has a lot of baggage. In short, not the kind of guy she'd bring home. Mr. Kristin's all, "Well, if he's anything like that last walking, talking cloud of hair gel and Axe body spray, I don't want to meet him anyway." Kristin assures her dad that the JB thing is nothing serious, then sighs a bit. She's still working on that "acting with emotion" thing, I see.

That night in L.A., Spencer arrives at the Bolthouse photo exhibit. He's still wearing the hat. Well, I guess at least he's even easier to identify and avoid now. He finds Holly, who promptly mocks the nonsense above his hairline. Heidi joins the group, and Spencer wastes no time in telling her that Holly is drunk. Truth be told, she is a little too exuberant when ShePratt arrives. I know the new nose is a real thrill to behold, but still... Holly's first question to ShePratt is what drink she wants. Given no response, Holly goes to the bar and takes a tequila shot by herself. Though that is a rather sad display, I can't say I wouldn't be in the same boat if I were forced to spend the night with these assholes.

Cue quick cuts of Holly scampering around talking nonsense to every single person at the party. First to Charlie, who's clearly been told to act bored: "Every single moment of my life is the best moment of my life." Then to Brent, who humors her while she pretends to understand art. Sadly ,she doesn't make it to Tom Green, who was shown in an earlier frame with Brent. Probably because he'd be up on the bar taking shots right there with her. Goodbye, Sanjolly. Hello Tomly! So Holly stumbles (or so we're meant to imagine) back to the bar and full-on grabs a bottle of booze and pretends to swill it down. Heidi and ShePratt corner her to tell her to stop drinking. Given Heidi's performance at past work events, it's a little hypocritical, no?

Holly doesn't help matters by jumping up and down like a loony, then doing some sort of White Girl Krump version of the robot. It's the new millennium's answer to the Benes dance, really. The editors splice some shots together to make it look like everyone's staring at drunk Holly, though I call shenanigans. All the while Spencer is putting a chokehold on ShePratt and estimating that Holly's had about 200 drinks. You see, the only time they can bond is when they're scheming or talking shit about others. It's sweet. Holly keeps up with the little kicks and the flailing hands as a song about drinking like a rock star plays us out.

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The Hills




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