The Hills

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Booze and Boos

Meanwhile, Kristin pays a visit to Brody's condo. He greets her, "Well hello, Mrs. Bobby!" Ha! But she's too distracted by his French bulldog Bentley to respond. Apparently this bug-eyed creature is one of the many pets that Brody lavished on his publicity stunt girlfriends. (Nicole Richie returned her Bengal cat, too.) Kristin asks about Jayde. Brody says they're solid, even though they talk about breaking up a lot. He says he's made his past with Kristin clear with her, so there's nothing to worry about.

Kristin moves on to JB. Brody refuses to vouch for him as far as a relationship goes. And this is Brody, who is BFF with everyone and will intervene at the drop of a hat if it means more screen time. So that ain't good. Kristin mentions that JB surprised her at her house. And, truly, what a horrifying thought: Showing up in your sanctuary and finding a man who looks straight from the wilderness standing in your kitchen with a knife. Kristin doesn't shrink to danger, though, as she proves when Brody warns her that Audrina is going to come after her. Kristin says she's up for it, but claims she's not hooking up with JB just to stick it to Audrina. She says she's actually surprised that she's taken a liking to the double-named mountain man. Brody says he believes her, then gives her a sly look that shows he clearly does not.

Downtown, JB meets Audrina. Alone. On a roof. Why? Why God why? She wonders out loud whether she should give him a hug, then he sits down at a safe distance from her. Guess that answers that. He asks what's up. She says she wanted to clear the air so they wouldn't have any issues when and if they run into each other in public. She admits it was weird seeing him with Kristin, and he calls her out on doing the exact same thing with Derek. He says he didn't hook up with Kristin to spite her. She says things should be okay because Derek cleared their dating with him. Sign #1 your relationship is doomed: You had to clear it with the ex first. JB says very succinctly that what she did was not okay. For all of JB's bullshit, you've got to give it to him. He can get right to the point when he wants to.

And then it's back to the fuckery. Audrina tries to pretend that she's happy JB and Kristin are together. He patently says that they're not -- fair enough, if not a little hope-spurring for Audrina. But then mentions how he cooked her dinner. Audrina's eyebrows raise just slightly, and I'm pretty sure it's not to get a better view of her next line. He tells her he'll always have feelings for her and that no one will ever be better than her. And the stupid stick figure smiles at this. She promises not to talk to Derek anymore. He smirks, "Don't let me stop you." And she laughs again! Argh.

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The Hills

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