The Hills

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“On to the Next”

Previously: Spencer got himself out of the dog house by getting Heidi some pups. Justin Bobby continued to be a straight-up dog. Audrina was just the bitch to fall for it but, Kristin quit that bitch immediately, setting her sights on an oldie but goody who once, in fact, gave her a dog (see how the world's small like that?): "Now with Brody single again, I was willing to give it another try. But I knew ex-girlfriends didn't go away that easily..."

Brody and Kristin toast to the end of their respective showmances. Brody can't resist calling her "Mrs. Bobby" once more for old times' sake. Gotta love him for that. Kristin asks if Brody is still talking with Jayde. He gives a flat no. She speculates what would happen if Jayde knew they were having dinner right now. He says he wouldn't want to see that fight go down. Oh, yes, he totally would. She says she wouldn't want to be involved in that fight. Oh, yes, she totally would. Kristin asks Brody what his limitations are in light of the break (up?). He notes she's being as flirtatious as ever. She says she's treating him as single, then suggests they do it again. She foregoes the bed innuendo and goes straight to her fallback sex eyes, Laguna Beach-style. Credits.

Speidi Web 2.0. It's Enzo!!! Have I mentioned that I think he's the smartest character on this show? He and Heidi are playing with puppies (including the cutest swimming puppy impression EVER by Enzo) when Big Spender comes along to piss all over their fun. Speidi lets the hapless young fella go romp and scamper with the dogs somewhere down in Coyote Canyon while she waxes poetic about how much she loves babies and how the puppies have only made her stronger in that resolve. Spencer realizes he's thwarted and tries to turn it around, calling Heidi selfish for wanting babies. Now that's the famewhore calling the wannabe fake-and-bake orange. Heidi insists that she wants to have babies sooner or later, so he'd better get used to it. She asks, "What if I did get pregnant?" He asks if that's a threat. She leaves a long, ominous silence before Enzo prances back, pronouncing, "Spender's mean! I don't like him!" They walk off with the puppies, leaving Spencer to go to his Zen place where he crushes children's dreams and destroys Lauren Conrad's reputation.

Audrina and Lo meet up for lunch. Audrina wastes no time telling Lo she's seeing JB again. Lo perfectly expresses her boredom with a long, desperate gaze at her straw. It's a gesture that reads, "Kill. Me. Now." And can you blame her? Lo continues to realize she's dying a slow death of boredom and occasionally drops a snarky pittance of sympathy as Audrina chatters about how the spark is still there with JB -- a spark she hasn't replicated with anyone else -- and how JB seems really serious this time. Christ on a cracker, what is wrong with this girl? Lo notes indifferently that Kristin seems to have moved on, but warns Audrina to "Just be careful, though. I don't want to have to give him another nickname, mmmmkay?" Yes!

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The Hills




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