The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
"On to the Next"

Speidi Web 2.0. Enzo and Spencer play Wii Tennis while the "friend" watches. Spencer mentions that he still hasn't told Heidi about his little doctor's visit. Enzo picks up on the doctor talk and asks Spencer if he's sick. Spencer admits, "Yes, I'm sick." Perhaps the first true words ever to come out of his mouth. Surely the world will crack open. Heidi comes in and immediately Enzo screams out his major line of the episode about Spencer going to the doctor. Heidi immediately starts hurling out questions, and the "friend" decides to take everyone's favorite child actor outside for some Coyote Hide-and-Seek.

Spencer tries to smooth over the rough edges of his whole vasectomy plan with the reversible shtick, the briefness of the procedure, and his ultimate decision not to go through with it, but Heidi was pissed before she even knew what kind of doctor Spencer had visited, so imagine the fall-out of these revelations. She mentions what a deceitful, inconsiderate bastard he would have been if he had impaired his child-making abilities (and their future) without even consulting her. He gives the whole "But if I'd asked you, you would have said no" excuse. She calls him out for doing whatever he wants without regard to her. She notes that he knew she wanted kids before they got married, so "getting married must be the biggest mistake you've ever made."

Night falls as Rihanna urges us all to kill ourselves in a game of chance. Or maybe she's just talking to Audrina. In which case, I'm fine with it. Audrina meets JB for dinner. She mentions her openness to getting back together, and he gives her an impassive, "I don't know, babe." Not a good start. She says how cold it is (veiled metaphor?), and he says he can't give her his jacket because he has nothing on under it. Yuck. Get out now, Audrina!

Audrina wonders why he didn't come to Heidi's birthday party. He says he was seeing Kristin then and wanted to avoid the inevitable confrontation. She asks if he and Kristin are still together, and he shrugs vexingly. She says Kristin came to the party with Brody (and if by "came together" she means they arrived in separate cars and talked a couple of times throughout the night, then yes). He looks particularly irked at that thought. More irked, in fact, than he ever was in any exchange with or about Audrina in the last four years. Looks like aspiring actor-slash-hairstylist JB has put down the shears and been working on his technique. This is almost believable!

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The Hills




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