The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
"On to the Next"

With a look of hurt in his eyes, JB says Audrina's made her point. I love how it's always Audrina that's doing the shady shit, playing the games in his version of the story. As if she could ever put two and two together to run a scheme. But he really seems to believe it this time. He claims he did everything she asked, getting out of her life and moving on, but now he's the one getting hurt. This is some "boy who cried wolf" shit. Audrina asks him why he's even at this dinner with her. He vagues, "Maybe to finalize something that's not there?" What in the what now? Why will he not admit that he fucked her and fucked with her for four years? How hard is that?

Instead he says that she pushed him away and into something (or someone) else. That what he had with Kristen was unlike, somehow greater than anything he's ever had -- because, for the first time, he wasn't worried about Audrina. And I guess that's the closest to an acknowledgement we'll ever get from JB. And what a shitty way to do it: "I really cared for you, even though I still won't admit it. Only now that I've ceased to care for you can I love again. Except you ruined that, you mind-gaming bitch. So I spit on you and your feelings, because now I have known for a split-second what you felt for four year running. You're a monster!!!"

Audrina just sputters out a gravely wounded, deeply confused, "Well..." before picking up her things and leaving JB by himself to unfurl the years of drugs and self-hatred, not to mention the serpentine twists of logic that got him to this royally damaged place. Rihanna sings us out:

Say a prayer to yourself.
He says close your eyes,
Sometimes it helps.
And then I get a scary thought:
That he's here means he's never lost.

Audrina gets in her car, buries her head in her hands to compose herself before driving home alone -- for good, this time (knock on wood).

And you can see my heart beating.
You can see it through my chest.
And I'm terrified but I'm not leaving,
Know that I must pass this test.

Next week: There's a civil war a-brewin' at the Speidi Web. Heidi's secret weapon? A home-cooked meal! Aaaaaaaaah! Jayde texts Kristin for a meet-up, then tells her to "go back, like, wherever it is [she] came from." Mighty strong words from a person whose American work permit lists "Full Frontal" as an employment prerequisite. Her words are a little sweeter with Brody as she professes how much she loves and misses him. Meanwhile, JB leaves a voicemail to tell Kristin he ended his nonexistent relationship with Audrina.

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The Hills




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