The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
Cheaters Live Long & Prosper

Brody snits that The Bunny is putting him in the middle of all this. It's ironic, considering he lives for being in the thick of drama. As proof of this, he catches eyes with Audrina and heads over. To her discredit, Audrina flashes him a slightly-too-flirty smile, mouths "Hi!" and blows him a kiss, then hugs him hello. All of this suggests she is a dumb bitch of the first degree for about 400 reasons, which I surmise you can figure out for yourself -- some of them totally unrelated to Brody!

One of the Playmates goads The Bunny to have it out with Audrina. So she brings her over for a three-on-one Bunny Bounce. Unfortunately, Brody stomps that raging inferno out before it happens, making sure that The Bunny's bitch brood doesn't stick around for long. The two idiots in question sit down for a heart-to-heart. Audrina is predictably a lot less "Bring it, bitch!" now that she has fully considered the army of hairless vaginas that will march on her ass if she doesn't bow down properly. It's no matter, though, because The Bunny interrupts with a succinct "Bull-fucking-shit." (Shot!) Awesome reaction shot from Lauren. The Bunny teases out the obvious end point of someone like Audrina (whore) sleeping in the bed of someone like Brody (man-slut). Audrina tries to act all innocent, but The Bunny shuts her down, saying she doesn't want to talk to her. Well then... why did we start this conversation, again?

The Bunny drowns her sorrows in a blue plastic cup as she walks off. Audrina's first instinct is to head over to Brody. His first instinct is to apologize for his girlfriend's behavior and hug her tightly. Of course The Bunny, who is not 10 feet away, is watching all of this. God, they really are the stupidest people in the world, aren't they? Audrina leaves, and Brody returns to find the love of his life slugging straight from the bottle. (Shot!) She reams him out for even caring how Audrina feels about this whole situation. Brody gets a frazzled look on his face. The Bunny finishes the Jaeger in one protracted (and need I mention graceful) swig. You drunk yet? She is. Commercials.

Therapy. Spencer sits shamefacedly as Dr. Mansbasher begins the exchange with, "Okay, so? Trust is... not... there?" Seriously, lady? You got a Ph.D. for this? Save yourself some time by watching a weekend marathon and taking some "acting for reality TV" classes at the local Y. Heidi updates her on the trust-destroying, "incriminating" text message from BS. Spencer thinks Heidi shouldn't be looking through his text messages. Dr. Mansbasher says they're on different pages. Like everyone else for the past several years, including Lauren "Look at me! Look at me!" Conrad herself, Dr. Mansbasher can't get a word in edgewise. They pause to breathe for one second, so she drops this meandering-to-a-dead-end topic and asks if at least they're communicating their feelings to each other. They all agree Spencer is talking from the "I." So much so, snarks Heidi, that she's "nauseous." What were you blaming for the last couple of years?

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The Hills




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