Sister Holly stares, and we finally get to see Heidi's ruin, and Mom can't even look at her, and Heidi kind of shoves it in her face about her ugly stupid nasty face, and Mom asks why she's talking so quiet, and this is because essentially her jaw is broken. Even Holly jerks physically at that news, and you might say that this show is fake and I wouldn't say otherwise, but the absolute shame and revulsion in Mom's face, watching this creature talk and move almost like a human being, is almost too much to deal with.

The Speidi thread of this show has always made me feel like I'm teetering on a tightrope a million miles up, because it's the only thing with actual consequences, but they act like everybody else who has no consequences, and it's terrifying. Watching her slip away from actual human beings and let him push everybody away until she has no idea what end is up, and getting further and further from being the kind of person who you'd even want to save. She's like an eating disorder; she's like domestic violence. At some point the person needing the attention screams, "Just leave me alone and let me make these decisions" and if they're nasty or repetitive enough about it, probably most people are like, "You know what, fuck it. You're right. Knock yourself out." Not proud of it, but we definitely do that.

And every season until LC left, I kept thinking, "This is the one where they save her." But all they did was smile, and nod, and feel sorry for themselves, and pretend that everything was okay and they were friends again, and then run away from her the second they could because it's too awful to actually deal with or look at.

She's got staples in her head, the eyebrows are staying way up high where they are, new nose, her own fat in the cheeks, ears pinned, lip injections, shaved chin, giant nasty tits, back "shaped," and a lot of "inner and outer" liposuction. Mom tries to explain elective surgery and what that means, but Heidi breezes right past that, and when Mom points out how amazingly self-possessed and Zenlike she was when she first left Colorado -- back when she was kind of my hero, in a way -- she responds that Mom's whitewashing because really she always wanted bigger breasts. And now, which nearly makes Holly bolt for the door until she starts crying instead, they can't give Heidi even bigger fake breasts, because they "won't fit."