And, of course, still not really the point. California doesn't do anything to you that Spencer Pratt and a mountain of drugs didn't put there. Mom says that maybe, instead of slurping the Kool-aid and turning her body into a Frankenfood, the solution might then be to get the fuck out of LA and start the painful process of becoming a human again. Heidi's answer: "I don't want to get into this right now." Mom reminds her that she is brilliant and articulate, and they can discuss anything. She asks Heidi how the burger tastes, and Heidi admits she can't even chew it. "Want me to put it in a blender for ya?" she asks, and immediately apologizes. Heidi shoves her hand away, it's actually a quite painful moment for us all, and they tromp back into the mountains.

Stephanie bitches because Kristin's been flaking for eight hours on their Girls' Night, and Lo and Audrina agree that this whole "staying in" plan was KC's to begin with. Which it was not, if you recall, and besides we all know Kristin is trolling the Strip right now, doing body shots and shoving bitches into fountains and breaking the heart of every busboy that even looks her way, but these girls are not that smart. They are not even smart enough -- not even Lo -- to understand how smart Kristin is. Nor how dedicated.

Stephanie (God, she's really pretty, isn't she? When did this happen?) rolls her eyes horribly and does what she does, which is get everybody on board the We Hate Kristin train, just to have something to talk about, because she comes from a family of scapegoaters. If she can get Audrina going -- which should be easy considering there's like one button in her entire mechanical structure -- then it'll be two-on-one, and Lo will fall. Stephanie brings up the flirtation with Brody and KC's to-be-expected reaction to it, and... Audrina's off!

Lo -- wearing some very sexy matte lipstick -- chirps her agreement with Audrina's mooing nothingness, and then points out the elephant in the room: Kristin's hellish, drugged-out, overpartied mess of a face. I didn't know we were allowed to talk about her looking like shit! I sense a very special character arc developing here.