Brody hits on Audrina, who is a side of beef sprinkled with that Life Dust from Return To Oz: Out of control. Lo hangs out with Stephanie Pratt and Audrina, two people she's tried to literally murder in the past: Out of control. And now they've taken Kristin to the Superbowl in the hopes that she will provide a nucleus for their molecule, a reason to live. And I mean, she's doing that, but in a scary self-destructive, out of control way. Which would be awesome, except for the high-handed moral ground they've all decided to take with it, which pisses me off only because it's the same shit as always:
The bitches get together and start whispering about the thinnest girl in the room, because obviously she must have an eating disorder, and we're all so worried about her and we should really say something but we don't want to look mean so instead we'll all form a club and perform the group activity of hissing and bawk-bagawking about it.
But if LC were here, she would not stand for any of this. Not one tiny bit of this would fly. She would sit Stephanie down and explain that she is on probation and in rehab, and thus should be getting some Zs instead of getting crunk across state lines. She would sit Audrina's giant lips down and explain that Brody is never going to love her, because she is Justin Bobby's leavings, and that the only reason a girl would ever date either of them is to give her hives, because she is asking to be bullied as bad as Jessica ever did on Laguna Beach. She would give voice to the better angels of Lo's nature. She would give Kristin that one look she gives, and Kristin would nod and roll her eyes and shrug, and go back to acting like a person. But by all means, instead let's put on lipstick and pretend to worry about the state of a crazy alcoholic we all despise, because she's secretly better than all of us and we all secretly know it.
So now they've got full steam, and Stephanie can't stand to be around KC and her druggie "crackhead" (per Lo) action, because of "where she is at" regarding her rehabilitation, and they all nod and attempt to figure out what "deeply worried" looks like on a face. And meanwhile? Kristin's at the club with Stacy, laughing about how those bitches keep texting her, and drinking and drinking. Do we know this Stacy? Is she the bartender? Is Kristin hanging out with her? That's something I didn't know. How gross. How perfectly horrible.
Bright washed-out lights and jarring camera work -- nice, guys -- accompanies the girls' morning ambush on Kristin, as they wake her up to tell her that her room "stinks" and that she is possibly a crackhead. They stare at her and smile meanly at each other while she wakes up, and Kristin explains that she's not the only person on Earth to party like the rock star that she is. They assure her that she is, and that they need her to get her shit together. Looking a million, with sunglasses, she packs. The girls all whisper about how embarrassing she is and how they don't want to brunch with her cracked-out ass, so Kristin with her headachey superhearing comes out to ask them if they're seriously talking shit one room away. Stephanie is amazing today:
"We're not talking shit, we're just... What is wrong with you?"