The Hills
Ep. |
Title |
Air/Pub'l |
Grade |
Author |
| 6-6 Weecap |
New Dogs, Same Old Dicks"I'm Done with You" - Speidi hosts a birthday party where Kristin deigns to "clear the air" (read: gloat heartily) with Audrina re: JB. Instead, she gets her ass served to her. She decides to hate the player, not the game, calling off the showmance. Also, puppies! |
2009.11.03
2009.11.04 |
B | Lady Lola |
| 6-5 Weecap |
Rude Awakenings"Sorry Boo, Strike Two" - Kristin throws a party that wreaks all sorts of havoc, just as intended. Holly lets her choreographic freak flag fly, prompting Heidi and ShePratt to stage a second Holly-vention. Kristin seriously considers cutting that flaky trickster JB off from her cooch. And Canadian Jayde and Brody have it "oat"… yet again. |
2009.10.27
2009.10.28 |
C- | Lady Lola |
| 6-4 Weecap |
Booze & BoosOld Habits Die Hard - JB cooks an "I sowwy" dinner for Kristin while simultaneously texting and leading on Audrina. Holly drinks to excess -- perfectly understandable considering the company she's keeping. |
2009.10.20
2009.10.21 |
F | Lady Lola |
| 6-3 Weecap |
The Affair of the RecklessStrike One - Brody's birthday marks the start and end of at least two relationships, splintering his bond with Jayde and expediting the inevitable drifting apart of Kristin and JB, who were never really seeing each other in the first place. Also, Spencer continues to bandy about the hollow threat of getting his tubes tied. Don't say it if you don't mean it, Big Spender. I've got a medicine bag and a rusty scalpel with your name on 'em. |
2009.10.13
2009.10.14 |
C | Lady Lola |
| 6-2 Weecap |
Hot Messes"Mess with Me, I Mess with You" - Speidi babysits. Kristin straddles the hog. Audrina mopes to emo music. Everyone else is multi-thousand-dollar-earning wallpaper. |
2009.10.06
2009.10.07 |
D- | Lady Lola |
| 6-1 Weecap |
Last-Bitch Effort"It's On, Bitch" - ShePratt's dreams are dashed again as Kristin steps up as the primary shit-stirrer. The never-ending Audrina-Justin Bobby saga… well… it never frigging ends. And Speidi moves into a self-proclaimed "Porno Pad." A step up from the Stripper Hotel if you ask me. |
2009.09.29
2009.09.30 |
B- | Lady Lola |
| 5-11 Weecap |
I Do(uche)Speidi's Wedding Unveiled - Want a millionth "exclusive" peek into the Speidi wedding? No? Well they're giving it to you anyway. |
2009.06.08
2009.06.12 |
D | Lady Lola |
| 5-10 Weecap |
Nice Day for a Trite Wedding"Something Old, Something New..." - Lauren bids adieu. Speidi makes it legal. Kristin Cavallari returns to vie for semi-relevance. And it's boring as all get-out. What a let-down. |
2009.05.31
2009.06.01 |
F | Lady Lola |
| 5-9 Weecap |
It's Too Late to ApologizeHi Lauren, It's Spencer... - Spencer tries to make nice with Lauren, and strangely it seems somewhat sincere. Confusing. |
2009.05.25
2009.05.27 |
B | Angel Cohn |
| 5-8 Weecap |
Daddy Whore SchmucksFather of the Bride - Wild Bill Montag's traveling road show makes a stop in L.A. to assess Spencer's husband potential. Lauren gives ShePratt her People's Rev walking papers. Audrina still exists. People scratch their heads. |
2009.05.18
2009.05.19 |
C | Lady Lola |
| 5-7 Weecap |
Incompetence Reigns Supreme"Keep Your Enemies Closer" - Everyone fails at their given tasks for the week, from Heidi's (second) Stace-tervention to Lauren's supervising worthless intern ShePratt -- even Audrina's 975th break-up with JB. You think just by sheer practice she'd have it figured out by now. |
2009.05.11
2009.05.12 |
B- | Lady Lola |
| 5-6 Weecap |
Cheaters Live Long & Prosper"Playmates Bring The Drama" - Various couplings/trios continue to recoil from fake cheating dreamt up by producers in dark rooms. Lauren's relevance shrinks evermore. |
2009.05.04
2009.05.05 |
B- | Lady Lola |
| 5-5 Weecap |
Virgin Territory"I Always Had a Little Crush" - The girls crash the boys' Hawaiian vacation, setting the stage for Audrina and Brody to (fake) hook up. Spencer crashes Mr. Jackcheese's virginity. |
2009.04.27
2009.04.28 |
C | Lady Lola |
| 5-4 Weecap |
Relationships Take WorkCrazy in Love - Lauren begins to catch on that Stephanie's not the sharpest tool in the shed. JB continues his reign of error with Audrina. Speidi enters couples therapy. |
2009.04.20
2009.04.21 |
B | Lady Lola |
| 5-3 Weecap |
Opportunity on the Rocks"I'm Done with You" - Lauren takes another step toward career ruination by vouching for Stephanie at People's Rev. Heidi and Spencer bicker about some more inconsequential pinging in the hall of mirrors that is their relationship. |
2009.04.13
2009.04.14 |
B- | Lady Lola |
| 5-2 Weecap |
It's Bananas, Homey"Everything Happens for a Reason" - The fallout from Lauren's birthday booze cruise spans from L.A. to Colorado, with reunions aplenty and possible break-ups in store. |
2009.04.06
2009.04.07 |
A | Lady Lola |
| 5-1 Weecap |
HMS Pina-whores"Don't Cry on Your Birthday" - Lauren's surprise birthday sets the stage for some serious theatrics. And Spencer "flirts" with a bartender. Then his fist flirts with Cameron's face. |
2009.04.06
2009.04.07 |
A- | Lady Lola |
| 4-20 Weecap |
You Been Working Out a Lot?I Heidi Take Thee Spencer... - Heidi and Spencer don't get (legally) married. Lauren and Heidi don't reconcile. Justin Bobby doesn't propose to Audrina. What does happen? In a word: Nothing. This is The Hills. What did you expect? |
2008.12.22
2008.12.23 |
C | Lady Lola |
| 4-19 Weecap |
For Better or... Really, Just For WorseMr. and Mrs. Pratt - Heidi and Spencer pretend they like each other enough to get married. |
2008.12.15
2008.12.16 |
C | Kim |
| 4-18 Weecap |
Setting Up The CityDream Boy, Dream Job - Whitney has an interview in New York. Do you think she'll get the job? I can't imagine. |
2008.12.08
2008.12.09 |
B | Kim |
| 4-17 Weecap |
Forever and Nana, AmenIt's About Trust - Audrina and Lauren bury the hatchet and Spencer uses his grandmother to continue his feud with his sister. |
2008.12.01
2008.12.02 |
C+ | Kim |
| 4-16 Weecap |
I Heard A RumorYou Did This - Dumb Audrina hears a rumor that Lauren and Justin hooked up and spends the entire episode ruining her relationships with both of them. |
2008.11.24
2008.11.25 |
B | Kim |
| 4-15 Weecap |
Like Heidi Without the SpencerOne Last Chance - Audrina is thrilled to be out on her own and spending time with JB, even if everyone tells her he sucks. Heidi feels the same way. About her boyfriend sucking, anyway. |
2008.11.17
2008.11.18 |
B- | Kim |
| 4-14 Weecap |
Il BastardoBack to New York - Whitney and Lauren head to New York so that Whitney can get her groove on, while Spencer finally gets yelled at by someone. |
2008.11.10
2008.11.11 |
A+ | Kim |
| 4-13 Weecap |
Moving OutIt's Her Move - Audrina moves out and Heidi gets fired! That sounds exciting, but it was actually pretty boring. |
2008.11.03
2008.11.04 |
B- | Kim |
| 4-12 Weecap |
Stephanie SucksI Want You To Be With Me - Audrina continues to be an idiot when it comes to Justin Bobby (and most other things as well) while Stephanie sets the feminist movement back a million years. |
2008.10.27
2008.10.28 |
C | Kim |
| 4-11 Weecap |
What Happens in Cabo...You'll Never Have This... - Lauren and Audrina head to Cabo with the guys (including JB) while Stephanie introduces her new boyfriend to her family. |
2008.10.20
2008.10.21 |
B- | Kim |
| 4-10 Weecap |
Your Spencer Or Your LifeWho To Choose? - Audrina tries to decide between JB and the new guy, Corey, while Spencer manipulates Heidi some more. |
2008.10.13
2008.10.14 |
B | Kim |
| 4-9 Weecap |
Cold WarIf She Never Met Spencer... - Heidi writes a letter to Lauren and then is shocked when it turns out that their cold war is all Spencer's fault. |
2008.10.06
2008.10.07 |
A | Kim |
| 4-8 Weecap |
Shady StephanieDon't Act Innocent... - Stephanie's world comes crashing down as people compare stories and realize how much she's been lying about Doug. |
2008.09.29
2008.09.30 |
A | Kim |
| 4-7 Weecap |
I Told You SoWhile Lauren's Away... - Lauren's barely in this episode, and yet everyone constantly brings her up in every conversation. |
2008.09.22
2008.09.23 |
B | Kim |
| 4-6 Weecap |
My Sister, Can I Get Some?You Always Miss a Best Friend - Holly makes nice with Lauren, which makes Heidi start to wonder if she and Lauren could become friends again. Audrina invites JB to a work-related event and he totally blows her off. |
2008.09.15
2008.09.16 |
B- | Kim |
| 4-5 Weecap |
Running MascaraSomething Has To Change - Spencer kicks Holly out without consulting Heidi, and Lauren and Audrina finally have the faceoff that's been brewing for weeks. |
2008.09.08
2008.09.09 |
B- | Kim |
| 4-4 Weecap |
Air BurritoBoys Make Girls Cry - The gang goes to Vegas, and it's awkward! Also, Heidi's sister moves in, and Spencer is a little bitch about it. |
2008.09.07
2008.09.08 |
A- | Kim |
| 4-3 Weecap |
Pack Lots of BlackBetter Off As Friends - Lauren tells Doug that she's just not that into him, and Whitney goes to New York and meets a male model. |
2008.09.01
2008.09.02 |
B | Kim |
| 4-2 Weecap |
You Say It’s Your Birthday?"Drama Follows Them" - Spencer crashes his sister Stephanie’s birthday, as welcome as a fart in an elevator. Man, that guy can clear a room! |
2008.08.25
2008.08.26 |
F | Daniel |
| 4-1 Weecap |
The More Things Change...We'll Never Be Friends - There's still trouble with Audrina and Lo, and there's still trouble with Heidi and Spencer, and Lauren is still looking for the right guy. |
2008.08.18
2008.08.19 |
A | Kim |
| 3-28 Weecap |
Over The HillsThe Next Move Is Yours - The roommate drama comes to a head, and Spencer officially becomes a stalker. |
2008.05.12
2008.05.13 |
B | Kim |
| 3-27 Weecap |
La La La La I'm Not ListeningNo Place Like Home - Lo tries to drive a wedge between Lauren and Audrina, and Heidi goes to Vegas. |
2008.05.05
2008.05.06 |
B- | Kim |
| 3-26 Weecap |
Not In High School AnymoreA Date With The Past - Lauren and the girls throw a housewarming party, and Lauren goes on a date with Stephen. |
2008.04.28
2008.04.29 |
B+ | Kim |
| 3-25 Weecap |
Moving OutA New Roommate - Lauren and Lo plot to move into a house together, whether Audrina likes it or not. JB returns, and the plot thickens. |
2008.04.21
2008.04.22 |
B | Kim |
| 3-24 Weecap |
Girls Night OutGirls Night Out - Kelly Crow-trone completes her transformation into a cawing black bird. Lauren works with Whitney on Fashion Week and snags a job as a result. Heidi and Spencer whatever, and Audrina starts to break out from Lauren's prison. |
2008.04.14
2008.04.15 |
A- | Kim |
| 3-23 Weecap |
Just Be Careful...Just Be Careful... - The girl who once was Heidi's pal. Under Lauren's wing. The girl who once was JB's gal. Audrina's weird, the way she stares with her deadened eyes, she's so weird. But it's no thing, she's under Lauren's wing. |
2008.04.07
2008.04.08 |
C+ | Kim |
| 3-22 Weecap |
When Spencer Finds Out...When Spencer Finds Out... - We finally learn why Lauren and Stephanie are destined to become best friends -- they both like fashion! And they're twenty-somethings living in Los Angeles and going to fashion school! It's like kismet! |
2008.04.07
2008.04.08 |
B- | Kim |
| 3-21 Weecap |
An Unexpected FriendAn Unexpected Friend - Spencer's sister Stephanie tries to make peace with Lauren. Should Lauren trust her? Audrina and Lo say no. Meanwhile, Whitney gets to do some styling during Fashion Week for her new job. |
2008.03.31
2008.04.01 |
B+ | Kim |
| 3-20 Weecap |
Back To L.A.Back To L.A. - When Whitney gets a new job, Lauren realizes that they won't see each other every day any more. Spencer assumes that giving Heidi space means that he can date other girls, but Heidi has other ideas. |
2008.03.31
2008.04.01 |
B- | Kim |
| 3-19 Extra |
"Marilyn Monroe Is Not One Of My Heroes"The Heidi Montag Interview - Heidi Montag talks to Lulu Bates about her musical influences, whether she Googles herself, and why working with her boyfriend is the best thing ever. |
2008.02.08
2008.02.08 |
N/A | LuluBates |
| 3-18 Weecap |
When One Door Closes...When One Door Closes... - Lauren finally gets to go to Paris. Heidi takes (or is that fakes?) a drive home to Colorado. |
2007.12.10
2007.12.10 |
A- | Kim |
| 3-17 Weecap |
Once A Player...Once A Player... - Can Lauren tame Brody? Does she even want to? Does anyone believe this is a real relationship? Also, Audrina goes out on a date with a new guy, and the return of Lo (!). |
2007.12.03
2007.12.04 |
B+ | Kim |
| 3-16 Weecap |
A Night At The OperaA Night At The Opera - Spencer's stupid sister Stephanie shows up. |
2007.11.26
2007.11.27 |
B | Kim |
| 3-15 Weecap |
With This Ring...With This Ring... - Heidi and Spencer can't agree on their wedding (yawn!) plans. |
2007.11.19
2007.11.20 |
B | Kim |
| 3-14 Weecap |
Forgive And ForgetForgive And Forget - The big Lauren/Heidi throwdown finally happens. |
2007.11.12
2007.11.13 |
A- | Kim |
| 3-13 Weecap |
Young HollywoodYoung Hollywood - Whitney pulls off the Teen Vogue Young Hollywood Party and Fashion Show. Everything else is boring. |
2007.11.05
2007.11.06 |
C- | Kim |
| 3-12 Weecap |
Stress And The CityStress And The City - Whitney plans the Young Hollywood party, still, some more. |
2007.10.29
2007.10.30 |
C+ | Kim |
| 3-11 Weecap |
No More Mr. Nice GuyNo More Mr. Nice Guy - Lauren dates a nice guy. Heidi and Spencer fight over her job. |
2007.10.22
2007.10.23 |
A | Kim |
| 3-10 Weecap |
What Goes Around...What Goes Around... - Who started the sex-tape rumors? Not it! |
2007.10.15
2007.10.16 |
A- | Kim |
| 3-9 Weecap |
What Happens In Vegas...What Happens In Vegas... - Lauren goes to Vegas for Brody's birthday and ends up kissing him. |
2007.09.31
2007.10.02 |
B | Kim |
| 3-8 Weecap |
For Better Or WorseFor Better Or Worse - Whitney gets her first big boss-type assignment, and Lauren finds out that Jason is engaged. |
2007.09.24
2007.09.25 |
B- | Kim |
| 3-7 Weecap |
They Meet AgainThey Meet Again - Heidi and Lauren totally coincidentally end up having dinner in the same restaurant. Lauren and Jason get closer. |
2007.09.17
2007.09.18 |
A- | Kim |
| 3-6 Weecap |
Second ChancesSecond Chances - Lauren and Audrina wonder whether or not to give Jason and Justin-Bobby (respectively) second chances. |
2007.09.10
2007.09.11 |
A- | Kim |
| 3-5 Weecap |
Rolling With The EnemyRolling With The Enemy - Lauren and Brody become closer, and Spencer gets pissed. |
2007.09.03
2007.09.04 |
B | Kim |
| 3-4 Weecap |
Meet The ParentsMeet The Parents - Spencer goes to Colorado to meet Heidi's parents, and Heidi's mom gets all up in his business about why he made Heidi give up all her friends. Lauren, Lo, and Audrina attend a BBQ given by Brody Jenner. |
2007.08.27
2007.08.28 |
B- | Kim |
| 3-3 Weecap |
Truth And Time Tells AllTruth And Time Tells All - Justin-Bobby acts like a jerk and Lauren is not impressed, but Audrina goes back to him anyway. Heidi realizes that Spencer isn't letting her in on the apartment-decorating decisions and takes drastic action. |
2007.08.20
2007.08.21 |
B | Kim |
| 3-2 Weecap |
Big Girls Don't CryBig Girls Don't Cry - Audrina's going back to an ex-boyfriend who's weird and scumbaggy, but Lauren's totally not saying anything this time! |
2007.08.13
2007.08.14 |
B+ | Joe R |
| 3-1 Weecap |
You Know What You DidYou Know What You Did - Lauren and Heidi have become estranged since last we saw them, and it's looking like it'll stay that way now that somebody started a rumor about Lauren. |
2007.08.13
2007.08.14 |
C+ | Joe R |
| Mondo Extra | Future Tabloid Headlines Featuring The Hills Stars Heidi And SpencerFuture Tabloid Headlines Featuring The Hills Stars Heidi And Spencer - What headlines should you be looking out for if you like to follow these particular odious jerks? |
2007.08.09
2007.08.09 |
N/A | Kim |
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