The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now!
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Loose Lips, Tight Tits

The next day, Lo and ShePratt meet to relive the awfulness that was Kristin's party. They agree that Spencer has lost his damn mind. Moving on, Kristin texted ShePratt for a sit down about CrackheadGate 2010. Lo maintains their innocence and wonders why Kristin would point fingers specifically at ShePratt. Really, Lo? Really? Do you honestly wonder why Kristin would consider a compulsive shit stirrer amongst her prime suspects in a case of rumor mongering? Man, these writers are getting lazy. Lo urges ShePratt to bite the bullet and talk with Kristin so they can both put it to rest.

Meanwhile, Spencer is literally huffing and puffing as he pays a visit to his friend Charlie to vent about the night before. How can he still be mad about this? Besides the True Blood-style demon inside Spencer, it was all laughably boring. Spencer shows Charlie one of the latest talismans he's picked up to protect himself from his nebulous wrath. It's a fucking seagull feather, which -- Charlie is quick to point out -- is both worthless and potentially hazardous to his health. Seriously, does he just pick stuff up off the street and call it a holy oracle? Things are getting schizo up in here.

Charlie tries to identify with Spencer's "us against the world" paranoia, but Spencer's already moved on to his next rant about all the crazy bitches in his life. He rehashes the events of last night from his perspective, which include ShePratt crying out about how Spencer yelled and screamed at her. And maybe them cameras was playin' tricks on my eyes, but I'm pretty sure she just walked away quietly and sadly. But Spencer's on a roll, and sputters about how when ShePratt was born, his parents tried to hand her to him, and he recoiled. Wow.

Charlie tells him to calm his shit down. Spencer goes all conspiracy theorist and tells Charlie that's he too calm and doesn't see the forces plotting against him. Charlie says that Spencer seeing these supposed conspirators makes him miserable. Spencer then insanely claims that his life is "perfect" until ShePratt and Holly scheme together. Mind you, there was not one shot of those two exchanging a single word at the party. And that was one damn boring party. Holly didn't even dance! Also, this statement comes from a person who earlier addressed other people as "civilians." Charlie tells Spencer that the crystals clearly aren't working, so maybe he should take them off. Instead, Spencer places one against his head and pants like a psychopath. Quoth Charlie, "You're crazy, man. You've lost it."

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The Hills

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