Holly brings out the presents, including a slew of "Just Married" apparel and a copy of The Joy of Sex. Ew. I'm not even going there. Audrina leans over to ask Steph if anyone is keeping track of who gave what to Heidi, so she can write thank-you notes. Steph assumes that's Holly's job as Maid of Honor. The camera cuts over and old Bumpkin Montag is just slugging back the 'pagne, totally abandoning her duties. Steph recoils in horror and pledges to take up the duties, seeking no gratitude. Hunger and exhaustion be damned, she will not even accept as much as a scrap of bread for her hard work! Oh come on! Heidi has, like, four friends. I think she can keep the gifts straight.
Across town, Brody and Lauren both have small ears. Fascinating. Groundbreaking. How did they not get to this in the past five seasons?! Lauren tells Brody that Heidi showed up to her work. He takes a knowing slug of his drink and sarcastically says he wonders what that was about. Lauren breaks into a version of "Here Comes the Bride," but substitutes in the words "Making mistake -- a real big mistake." Awesome. I like bitchy Lauren! Why did they try to pretend that she was the nice one all these years? This suits her much better. Brody asks Lauren if she's going to go, and she says she can't go because she doesn't support the Frankenstein-like creation that is Speidi. Brody's in the other camp, simply preparing his torch and biding his time while the monster ransacks L.A. Lauren says that, to her, it's less a wedding than a funeral. He calls his going in spite of his misgiving being the "bigger man." Then he says he's going to make a fart noise when Heidi passes him in her walk down the hall. He finds this funny enough to repeat over and over and over again. Lauren's all, "You know we're in our mid-20s, and you're making fart noises in a restaurant, right?" Brody gets serious, telling her to really think about going to the wedding, otherwise, she might regret it for the rest of her life. Dun-dun-dunnnnn.
The next day, Spencer and Brody meet for lunch. Brody's a PBR man, in case you're wondering. The wedding comes up. Spencer's all, "You heard about that?" Brody says he's been hearing about it for a long time. Zing! Spencer extends a personal invitation to come see "the New Spencer" in action. Note to Transition Spencer: If you have to refer to yourself in the third person, you're not quite there yet. And you're a tool. Spencer goes over his path to self-improvement: therapy, et al. Brody just laughs in his face. Which, fair enough. Except he brings up his stellar relationship as proof that couples don't need therapy. Nope! Just Jaegermeister and Bunny Gang Bangs!