Backstage, or should I say, in the "bridal suite," Heidi is fully dressed in her glorious cupcake of a dress and about $5 million worth of jewelry evocative of Madonna circa 1985. You gotta do something to counterbalance the voluminous weave, I guess? Heidi says she's a little nervous and half-jokes that she hopes Spencer doesn't get cold feet and run away. She natters on about how she feels like a real princess, but are the jewels in every shape, length and size just a bit too much? Perhaps one doesn't need a diamond choker, a diamond necklace down to her waist, and a diamond-embellished, empire waist-making belt, for example? She asks Holly, Steph, and Darlene if she's overdoing the bridal styling, but they don't have the heart to tell her that she's overdoing LIFE.

And then, ZOMG! Lauren Conrad herself walks in. Because it's totally appropriate and not scripted at all for her to just strut on into the dressing room. How would she even know where that thing is? Big smiles on everyone's faces. Lauren hugs Steph and Holly before they scurry out, then Darlene thanks her sincerely for showing up before she, too, exits stage right for the big heart-to-heart. Lauren takes in this befuddling site that is Heidi's full-blown orchestral suite of a dress. Heidi says, "I feel like a swan princess," to which Lauren responds, "You look like one!" And that, I think, really sums it all up. Are there really people whose dream in life is to look like a swan princess at their wedding? Because those dreams will get you far, it turns out. Lauren's so taken aback she calls Heidi "bedazzled." It's not a term I'd use in a necessarily complimentary sense, personally, and I suspect as much of Lauren Conrad, she of the jersey tunic dress. Heidi asks again, "Is it too much?" Lauren says it's perfect. And that much is true. It's perfect for Heidi -- because she is, herself, too much.

Outside, Lo and Audrina continue to expectantly mull over Lauren's arrival. And then! A dramatic flourish from the violins as Kristen Cavallari enters the church. And she's wearing the exact same color as Lauren! You don't say. She struts down the aisle, jams herself into the pew next to JB for no apparent reason (other than, well, obvious plot-fostering), and waves faux-naively over at Lo, who returns with a fairly kick-ass "WTF" expression. Everyone across the aisle laughs heartily at this new development as Kristin smiles sunnily and laps up the attention that has evaded her for so long, finally back within reach. Snarks Lo, "Maybe it's a good thing Lauren didn't come."