The Hills
"Something Old, Something New…"

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Nice Day for a Trite Wedding

Lo: Third time's a charm, right?
Lauren: Fingers crossed!

The gang all heads outside, where Kristin catches up with Lo and Audrina. Kristin reminds them that she introduced Spencer and Heidi, even though they were, ironically, the only ones who knew this fact in the first place. Then Lo reminds Audrina that she and Kristin went to high school together, as if this weren't a fact accessible to millions of people via TV, magazines and the Internet. Kristin solicits Lo to set her up with a guy, then specifically mentions meeting JB at the wedding. Audrina looks on blankly as Kristin facetiously describes JB as "a stand-up guy." And thus the plot lines for next season start a-turnin'.

Heidi comes out to toss the bouquet. And guess who catches it (in case you don't read magazines). It's Kristin! As she does so, Lauren sneaks out the side door. And that shit totally happened at a completely different time, which anybody who gives a damn would do. Also? Why in the name of Sam Hill would Lauren hire a town car when she lives in L.A. and owns a car? But if that's the dramatic contrast they need to set up Speidi's journey into swine flu territory and Kristin's ascension to the throne of the C-list, then far be it from me to complain.

There's also a touching-slash-scandalous preview of next season: "Nothing stays the same -- but some things just get better." Unfortunately I can't hear what those things are because my cable's sound keeps cutting out. Apparently there is some dramz between Kristin, Audrina and JB. And the helpful caption folks spell it out that Kristin is a bitch. The Bitch, to be precise. And she's back in all her finger-waving glory. See you in the fall, flesh-bearded princes and swan princesses!

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what vlogger Sean Crespo thinks about The Hills when he has No Prior Knowledge!

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The Hills

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