Over at the Speidi Web 2.0, it's time for Holly-vention, take two! Spencer is conspicuously absent as ShePratt Seeley rolls up her sleeves and delegates roles: Heidi will be the nurturer, ShePratt the toughie. Holly knocks and comes in. Heidi gets way too smiley and asks how Kristin's party went. Holly admits she had a couple (dozen) drinks. Heidi says she thought Holly was going to go cold turkey. Holly clears up the "miscommunication" (i.e. her explicit promise to stop drinking) by saying she just planned to tone things down. She adds, furthermore, that she's a grown-ass woman, so STFU. Heidi Finnegan gets deadly serious and confirms that, indeed, Holly does not acknowledge her problem.
And here's when things get so warped, it's positively amazing. ShePratt gets to business, telling Holly that, as a former meth face, she can tell an addict by its dance. And those moves Holly busted were straight-up boozetacular. Holly tries to deny, deny, deny. She accuses ShePratt of projecting her own problems onto Holly -- which may not have been so far off-base in hindsight. ShePratt shoots back that it's rude (that word again!) to bullshit her. Holly says the bullshit is that she's being patronized by her silicone-for-brains younger sister and some aspirant handbag-making junkie bitch.
Heidi turns on the waterworks about how she would feel if something happened. Holly finally collapses under the futility of it all and cups head in hands, a single, mortified tear streaming from each eye. Despite protestations, ShePratt envelops her in a spindly hug , making sure that the cameras can't get any shot without her in it. On Holly's other side, Heidi awkwardly hovers her hand over Holly's hair and back, praying to Jesus that hand-to-drunkard contact won't send seasoned potato chunks flying out of her, destroying her beloved porno palace. As usual, ShePratt takes things just a little too far, smarming to Holly how much they love her and that she needs to go rehab. Reinvigorated by her sense of irony, Holly stands up and walks out with only a one-finger salute to illustrate her homespun elegance. ShePratt gives a "No she did not" face, and Heidi's extensions heave silently.