The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now!
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Rude Awakenings

Previously: Drunk Holly = fun Holly! Any Jayde = not-fun Jayde. Kristin + Justin Bobby + Audrina = vomit in Lady Lola's mouth. "And now, whether I liked it or not, I think I was starting to fall for him..."

Kristin's beach pad. She and Bartender Stacie loll about in the sun. BS suggests a day-to-night beach party, and they start to plan the list. There's a question mark over Jayde's name, but they figure she's attached to Brody at the mangina, so they might as well invite her anyway. And as for JB, well he might as well come stink up the place. Kristin mentions how the house still reeks of garlic and hobo fumes since he last dropped in to "surprise" (read: roofie and talk in tricky stoner metaphors to) her. BS thinks JB is making Kristin work for it, though Kristin's under the impression that she's making him work for it. Au contraire mon nemeses, I am probably the only bitch who is really working up in this joint. And making a fraction of what you simpletons are. I am but a victim of the iron(y) shackles of my own construction! Kristin warns that JB only gets one more strike, and she's out. Two strikes is the new black. Credits.

Oooooh, rhymey title! Involving the word "boo." And Britney skanky music! That might automatically knock this episode up to a passing grade. We'll see if Spencer negates that effect. Anywho... Brody and Jayde drink wine in the middle of the day and he toasts to her planning a wonderful birthday party (intended for a toddler) for him. Instead of moving on and accepting his olive branch, Jayde sticks it to him once more that he dicked out at his birthday party. He nearly starts up again, but they run through the lapse of their miniscule attention spans, and all is right with the world again. Well, except for that fact that Jayde looks like some sort of Manga retool of Snow White. Seriously. Homegirl is a cartoon. It's either all that maple syrup and poutine she had growing up or a hefty helping of plastic surgery. Likely a bit of both. Also? She has a Blair Waldorf headband on. Sweet.

Brody mentions Kristin's upcoming birthday. Jayde is upfront about her distaste for Kristin. She says she and Brody fight every time Kristin is around, and he puts it back on her. She's all, "I know you are, but what am I?!" Man, this could go on for days. She tells him he should be a little more understanding. He responds by mimicking blowing his brains out and announcing that he's going regardless of her feelings. Wow, what an awesome relationship! Where can I get me one of them?

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The Hills

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