The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now!
Rude Awakenings

Speidi Web 2.0. ENZO!!!! He's my favorite child actor of all time, including Ricky Schroeder and Peter Billingsley. Spencer comes in and continues with his Mr. Wilson shtick as Enzo natters and sings and screeches and choreographs ribald, avant-garde performance art to himself. Spencer briefly mentions Kristin's party as a segue to ask about Holly's position vis-à-vis the wagon (on or off). Heidi shushes him from speaking of the devil's juice in front of angelic little Enzo. And, might I say that, from this angle, he looks a bit like Mermaid Girl Shiloh Pepin. RIP!

Spencer continues on with conversation, saying he thinks Holly is a liar. Enzo chimes in to repeat, "Holly is a liar." Oh what I would give to see the two of them do a duet to "Me and My Shadow." Heidi defends her lout of a li'l sis, saying she thinks Holly is making steps to improve herself and that she is good. Quoth Enzo, "I think Holly's good." Spencer says he thinks Holly should move home. Enzo dutifully repeats. Heidi embraces the spirit of the exercise and tells Enzo to say, "You're wrong, Spencer." Spencer retorts, "You're wrong, Heidi." Two beats. Enzo: "You're wrong, Spencer." Oh, that Enzo! He's the perfect punctuation for any thematically important life event. And since this show doesn't take up much of his time, I bet he's available for any old bat mitzvah, confirmation, or bris. And they all laugh like this is a fucking sitcom: Enzo Knows Best. Indeed.

Kristin's house. ShePratt and Holly arrive for the party, where Kristin and BS are ready for the festivities to begin. Knowing BS's penchant for morning cocktails, she's probably seven sheets past loaded as we speak. They discuss drinks, and Holly declares she can "make a mean Jack and Coke." Which is akin to saying you can make a "mean peanut butter sandwich" and yet even less complicated somehow. She announces Jack is her one true love. So, after all that talk about breaking up with booze last week, she is back with that abusive boyfriend of hers. The sad part is, this will be infinitely more riveting than any other relationship that has ever been on the show.

The ladies head outside and are soon joined by Brody and his whole crew. Gratuitous party scenes to a Li'l Jon-esque song that screams over and over again, "SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS-SHOTS-SHOTS!" God, the bar for music is really low these days. Kristin asks Brody where Jayde is. He says, in essence, she's a whiny bitch for making a problem out of him getting wasted and flirty with his ex-girlfriend. Yeah! What a hag. Ugh.

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The Hills




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