The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now!
Rude Awakenings

And speak of the Plastic, guess who's inside! Wearing a peasant blouse -- hands down the most clothes I've ever seen her in. I'm sure she'll rip those constricting garments off soon, though. No worries. First she has some festering animosity to spread through the party. To be fair, Brody acts pretty assy to her, calling her out for showing up without calling first (is that necessary?). She dives into the thick of the shitstorm, accusing him of being too busy talking to Kristin. Having hit a little close to home, Brody back off and tells her to be nice. Then patronizingly calls her "Queen Jayde" and comes in for a territorial, condescending hug. She pushes him away. They mutually agree that the other one is a rude prick. Why are these two together again? They appear to think they're the Brangelina of the D-list. More like the Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler.

Audrina's house. Lo arrives, and Audrina updates her on the non-date-slash-mind fuck with JB. Lo cups her head in her hands without missing a beat, but Audrina insists everything was on the up-and-up. And then she recounts all the bullshit lines he fed her and how he engaged in the exact same head games that night as he has for the last four years. What's the definition of crazy again? Lo calls her out for being thickheaded, then gets on Team JB by saying, "I hate to say it, but all signs point to that he's not over you." Lo is the new ShePratt. Unacceptable.

Back at the party, night has fallen, and the headgear has come out. A hooded JB walks up to fedora-sporting Kristin to ask whether she enjoyed the joke-slash-surprise. She tells him he sucks at being reliable. He completely avoids her valid point and asks her whether she was happier when he wasn't there versus when she was there. She admits she was happy to see him. Then she must forget all the text message shenanigans, he commands. I think he's trying to work some Salvatore powers, but Kristin isn't going for it. She says she has very little reason to keep this tango going -- and a whole lotta reason not to. She mentions that no one has good things to say about it, so he turns it on Brody again, telling her not to go on the word of her ex. She claims that Brody is more of a friend at this point than an ex. JB changes tack, reminding her that he showed up, which was the whole problem in the first place (well, that and the intentional, exuberant, mocking dishonesty). She tells him if he hadn't showed up, it would be over. He replies coolly, "Your house, your rules." And stalemate.

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The Hills




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