The Hills

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Rude Awakenings

Heidi turns on the waterworks about how she would feel if something happened. Holly finally collapses under the futility of it all and cups head in hands, a single, mortified tear streaming from each eye. Despite protestations, ShePratt envelops her in a spindly hug , making sure that the cameras can't get any shot without her in it. On Holly's other side, Heidi awkwardly hovers her hand over Holly's hair and back, praying to Jesus that hand-to-drunkard contact won't send seasoned potato chunks flying out of her, destroying her beloved porno palace. As usual, ShePratt takes things just a little too far, smarming to Holly how much they love her and that she needs to go rehab. Reinvigorated by her sense of irony, Holly stands up and walks out with only a one-finger salute to illustrate her homespun elegance. ShePratt gives a "No she did not" face, and Heidi's extensions heave silently.

Across town in Brody's condo, he and Jayde meet to have it oat -- as the Canadians do. It looks like she's already crying before they've even started. Or maybe that's just how she looks. Manga is so expressive, y'all. They get into it straight away about who "started it." All of a sudden the toddler birthday party makes yet more sense. He says she got drunk and crazy and embarrassed him at Kristin's house. Which brings us to Jayde's main bone of contention: Kristin. Jayde calls her manipulative, and Brody counters that Jayde gives Kristin what she wants when she lets herself be manipulated so easily. He says Jayde was acting like "a wild animal."

She gets back to the topic at hand: Kristin still has feelings for Brody (or at least gets paid to act like she does). Brody says Jayde should trust him. Unsatisfied with that option, Jayde asks whether Brody still has feelings for Kristin. Brody claims he doesn't know because he hasn't "explored" that option yet. Since he's still getting regular collagen-injected BJs, he doesn't need to go out and find out whether the connection is still there with Kristin. But the implicit statement is that he hasn't ruled it out. Yikes. Jayde tell him to figure things oat and call her when he's ready to apologize. Brody looks mournful as he leaves, but it's probably just the same expression he has when he realizes there's only one slice of pizza left... or when JB is particularly ripe... or when he remembers that Frankie's going to start hitting him up for cash in a few months when his Social Security doesn't cover bottle service.

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The Hills

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