Over in the men's change room, more exclusive footage as Spencer practically hyperventilates. But no comfort for him as Wild Bill pays a pre-nuptial visit, offering for Spencer to call him "Daddy" as they go surfing. Oh, that sounds dirty.

As the men headed to the altar, tragedy struck! Exclusive footage tragedy! The church's generator went down. As everyone else got antsy, plucky Lo wondered if this was God's protest to this unholy union. But Spencer's hands are never idle, so he set about finding a handyman to make this press clusterfuck carry on. And up came the lights, another battle waged and won in the war of good versus evil.

But there was one last piece of the puzzle missing: The budding authoress herself, Lauren Conrad. Before the door hit her on the way out, LC made sure to parade in front of the entire gasping congregation, including Spencer, to make sure her presence was known one last time.

But first, lots of producer-planted group dynamic weirdness. Because, you know, just in case the wedding is boring. Love triangulation between Audrina, Justin, Brody, and Jayde, for starters. Then that slutty paid prop Bartender Stacie, who literally baffled everyone with her presence because, seriously? Also in attendance, though not shown previously: Perez Hilton, to whom Spencer brags about giving some "great scoops over the years. Sorry, LC, haha!" Yeah, that apology was totally legit.

Heidi reminisces about the time when she and Lauren were roommates and used to dream up their perfect weddings together. More exclusive footage as the frenemies fondly remember the two of them dorking out in their PJs. Like Blair Waldorf, Lauren had some sort of a scrapbook album with all the details planned to a tee. It's a really cute moment. Something this show could use more of.