And so Lauren heads out to the chapel to make her totally inappropriate walk-through before hundreds of gossip-hungry eyes. All the cast members swear they were just as shocked as we were. Pfffft. Heidi reiterates that she needed Lauren there so she could close one chapter and begin another. She says that it made the day perfect.
And then came Kristin. Brody predicts that all Hell will break loose, while ShePratt fears the catfights a-brewin'. Unfortunately, this is not that show. At least not yet. So everyone maintained their decorum for the time being. This show could really use some Joan Rivers-style chutzpah. Because, regardless of everyone's claims to the contrary, Kristin's entrance was so boring and anticlimactic that the door might as well have been opened by a cool breeze.
And here's where we start setting up the next season. Audrina notes that Kristin plunked herself down right next to Justin Bobby, as does ShePratt. Brody gets to the point faster: "I want Kristin and Justin Bobby to bang." Then Kristin appears from nowhere to schoolgirl-giggle that she has a huge crush on JB. And it's as fake as Heidi's tits. Remember how after the ceremony she was all snarky, saying that JB was an "upstanding gentleman" or some such? Well I do, and this game is rigged. Heidi alleges that she hadn't even thought to invite Kristin until the bridal shower, when Audrina mentioned that Kristin actually (supposedly) introduced Speidi. And she has some Hell to pay for that one, believe you me. As does Audrina for reminding us. We again get the whole story from multiple sources about Kristin's stroke of Yenta-y genius. (I love how multiplicity on this show = fact.) Kristin says, faux-cringing, that, if she hadn't set them up, "Lauren's life would have been a lot different." Yeah, this scenario stinks like three-day-old fish.
And some more paint-by-numbers drama. Lo reminds us that Lauren and Kristin used to be arch nemeses in high school. ShePratt spells it out that -- gasp! -- they wore the same color dress to the wedding. Kristin delusionally believes she had the power to divert attention from Heid-zilla on her special day. Try again, girlfriend. But, sums up ShePratt, it was still a nice wedding.
The newlyweds head outside, where people were paid to throw things at them and pretend that they care. Lo Carrie Bradshaws that she didn't want to catch "that dreaded bouquet." I hear that. One can only imagine the layers of taint going on within the folds of those flowers. Fortunately, Kristin took the hit for all of Los Angeles, catching the bouquet. Naturally, Holly is offended because it's customary for deadbeat, drunken sisters of the bride to catch the bouquet! Lo pawns it off to "typical Kristin fashion" to make such a dramatic entrance.