Afterward, Kristin chatted up Lo, Audrina, and ShePratt, making tentative plans to go out for drinks. She thinks people were being very nice to her -- "suspiciously nice" -- and Lo explains that they were just trying to get on her good side. Or what? She'd cut them? Put a plague on their houses? Come on! She couldn't even make her acting career work. Clearly she's not that good at getting her way past high school.
And then, at a completely different time that was edited to make it look the same, Lauren Conrad stepped into her Town Car chariot to irrelevance, barely containing a smug smile as she pondered a life sans fuckery. Speaking of which, Spencer segues to their honeymoon in Mexico, "Pratt-style." "Pratt-style" in this instance meaning "with Swine Flu-preventing masks." Spencer wonders how on Earth the paparazzi even found them there. On a different note, Brody laughs about how Spencer's Mexican condo is nowhere near where Swine Flu broke out. To recap: There is no Santa Claus, Pratts love publicity.
The kids start to speculate about where Speidi will be in five years. And my head just exploded. Too many jokes! Holly says she imagines they'll be starting a family. Brody picks up to say their kids will be blonde and knocks on Spencer's fleshbeard. Spencer plans to adopt a mini-Pratt because he's "not sure if the planet is ready for [their] spawn yet."
And where will they be in 10 years, you ask? (Okay, no, you didn't but just play along, it's almost over...) Audrina speculates they'll be back in therapy, while Lo puts a gypsy hex on us all, prophesying that they'll have the longest-ever continuously running reality TV show. In 20 years, Audrina thinks they'll be renewing their vows. ShePratt, because she is a rider of coattails, demonstrates some serious wishful thinking when she says that "They'll always be in the limelight. They're 15 minutes of fame will never end. God bless their hearts." And God bless ours. We're gonna need it.