Speaking of, Kristin packs up the Beachelorette pad as the distant rumbling of JB's bike approaches. He enters, uninvited, to cliché that he was "just ridin' around... thinkin'" about their whatever-it-is. She invites him to sit outside and talk about it. As they settle in to the beach chairs, I kind of wish this would be cross-cut with footage of Brody driving furiously toward them for an eleventh hour mano a mano. It would be total bullshit, of course, but if we're not ready to throw our arms up and embrace the fiction of this show yet, when will we ever be? But I digress...

JB tells Kristin he can't let this thing between them go. He acknowledges that he has commitment phobias and echoes Audrina's warnings that he'll end up old and alone. He says he believes in them and wants to go for it. Including, but not limited to, having fun, doing things, and laughing. Kristin maintains her skepticism but opens up a little. She lays some ground rules -- the standard stuff like honesty and effort that has thus far eluded them. He gives her his word, and they seal it with a kiss. She smiles, "So what now? Are you my boyfriend?" He calls it a "stacked question," and she laughs because she, of all the nimrods on this show, is allowed to get it. Kristin and JB only like labels on their glittery helmets, y'all. They kiss some more and cuddle in the sunsets and Leona Lewis plays us out. Because all the Kelly Clarkson songs were taken.

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