Elsewhere, Kristin and Audrina go on a producer-mandated boot shopping excursion. Kristin asks how things are going with Gelly Clarkson. Audrina admits they haven't had "the talk" yet. Kristin encourages her to move forward, which is both self-serving and pretty rich considering how ambiguous her relationship with JB was. Audrina says she's not going to stop by Enzo's birthday party, and they commiserate over how batshit bananas and controlling Spencer has gotten lately. They worry that Heidi can't breathe without his permission.

Did I mention the elephant has a floral headband? I wonder if it comes from the Nicole Richie, Mischa Barton, or Phoebe Price collection. Bitch better be PP, or that elephant is dead to me. While Enzo rides all the various farm animals, Spencer, the guys, and Holly have commandeered the kids' table. Spencer says this he's actually having the most fun he's had in a while. Such a lovely, harmless statement, don't you think? Then you might innocently wonder "Why, Spencer? Why so much fun?" Don't you worry, Spencer's got that answer ready before you can even ask! "Because," he says with shifty eyes, "this is the first time I've been at a party where there haven't been people I want to muuuuuuurrrrrrrdeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr." Seriously, he says it just like that, give or take a little more psychotic stretching out of the last word -- a word, mind you, that truly has no place at a children's birthday party.

Everyone looks on awkwardly until Brody changes the topic... to ShePratt! Way to distract the self-proclaimed murderer-to-be, bro. Spencer insists that ShePratt is a relic of his old life. Right at that moment, a kid with a balloon gun scream, "Boom boom boom-boom-boom!" Spencer not-jokes that he's going to send that kid after Heidi's mom. Holly does a shocked double-take, and Brody asks what happened there. Spencer spares no expense on that explanation, y'all. He says Heidi went home looking for some motherly love, and Darlene "decided to try to rape my wife emotionally in every single crevice on her body." What's another word that doesn't belong at a children's birthday party, Spencer? Rape. For the love, man! Brody laughs uncomfortably while Holly grows even more upset.