The Hills

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When One Door Closes...

Previously: Lauren finally got over Jason and flirted with Brody. Lauren wanted to forgive Heidi and she wanted to forget Heidi. Audrina moved in with Lauren and they were best! Roomies! Ever! Heidi and Spencer started to figure out that they both sucked. Lauren turned down the offer to go to Paris so that she could spend the summer with Jason, and Lisa Love wanted to forgive her but she would not forget it.

Lisa Love (love the new do, Lisa! Much less severe -- great for women over a certain age) calls Whitney into her office and says that they're sending Whitney to Paris. Whitney's like, "Again?" Lisa and the dude in her office (assistant? Editor? Intern?) explain that Whitney will be going to a party attended by both the children of celebrities and actual aristocrats. Lisa promises that it will be fun, but also hard work. On her way out, Whitney asks, "And, what about Lauren? Is she coming?" Lisa Love bitches, "I think Lauren had her chance to go to Paris." Whoa. That bitch is ice-cold. I effing love her.

Regarding the title, "When One Door Closes..." does anyone want to place odds on the fact that next season's premiere will be called "Another Door Opens"? Anyone? And while I'm all meta here, can we talk about the inanity of the whole red-carpet premiere BS that was going on all night on MTV? With the countdown clock? And the interviews? And the webcam questions? Okay, I kind of enjoyed the webcam questions, if only because people made fun of Justin Bobby, and Lauren called him "JB," and Lo was there and she is awesome.

Heidi's in the kitchen at work, sadly getting coffee. Her only friend who's not a Pratt -- Kim -- comes in, and Heidi launches into a mopey tale of more fighting with Spencer. Do you think after one of these talks, Kim immediately goes to someone else at work and is like, "GOD! Why does Heidi think I care? She won't stop talking to me. And when is she going to realize that she and Spencer don't even like each other?' I also hope that everyone Heidi works with has rude nicknames for Spencer, and IM each other little bon mots all day, and someday Heidi will happen to see something and realize that everyone she works with hates her. Is that too mean? Anyway, Kim thinks Heidi and Spencer don't ever solve their problems; they just forgive each other and move on and the problem's still there so it flares up again. Heidi whines that she feels like she's in a relationship with a five-year-old, and that she gave up everything for Spencer. So break up! You're young! I hate when people are always whining about how annoying their boyfriend or girlfriend is. BREAK UP! Nothing is forcing you to stay with that person. Why be miserable?

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The Hills

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