Previously, Spencer tried to further alienate Heidi's family by being rude to her mother and sister. Audrina "started" "dating" Colin, a wannabe reality star who was clearly hired by casting, even more so than the other dudes on this show. And when JB didn't get all jealous and insecure like Audrina had hoped, she pouted about it.

Audrina gets invited up to Lauren's room! Wow! The queen is accepting visitors in her chambers! Audrina reports that she hung out with "Corey the Australian" all weekend, and Lauren is psyched for her, because she likes that dude. Of course, we've never seen nor heard of him before, but whatever, storyline editors! We'll catch up eventually! So Audrina hasn't told JB about this new guy yet, and who cares? As if I weren't already leaning towards hating Audrina, she pronounces the word "well" as "wooool," which I HATE! She's like, "Woooool, I haven't told Justin yet." That may be my second best indicator of stupidity, after saying "seen" instead of "saw," such as "I seen him the other day." Also? Saying "anyways" instead of "anyway." But enough about me and my OCD snobbery. Audrina complains that Justin makes her feel guilty about paying attention to other guys. Lauren thinks he's taking Audrina for granted, and as soon as he finds out that she's seeing someone, he'll snap to. That's a great reason to date someone else! To make your current non-boyfriend jealous! That's fair to the new person. Plus, JB pretty much said last week that he wasn't going to respond to Audrina's immature games, which she obviously didn't hear. Anyway, Audrina and Lauren make me feel even older than usual when they agree that it's not fun to date normal guys anyway. Or anyways.

Hey, the episode title this week doesn't end in points of ellipses! That is such a good step. She-Pratt meets up with He-Pratt at a coffeehouse. Apparently he called her to meet up, so he must be desperate, because weren't they fighting last we knew? But then again, Spencer has no other friends, so if he wants to get camera time bitching about Heidi's family, she's the only one he can call. I wonder how Spencer would feel if Heidi started being all bitchy to his family the way that he is to hers? Speaking of which, why do we never see Spencer and Stephanie's parents? Is it because they don't want to be on TV, or because they don't want people to know that they raised Spencer and Stephanie? Spencer complains to his sister that Heidi's mom is like a stalker because she wants to know "all the details of [Heidi's] life," such as the fact that she moved in with her boyfriend. Yeah, I can't imagine why she might want to know that. And how long did Spencer think they could keep it a secret anyway? THEY'RE ON TELEVISION! Spencer goes on to complain about Holly being a mooch, like Spencer doesn't just sit on the couch and not work all day, and like he didn't mooch off his sister when Heidi kicked him out. Spencer goes on to complain that Holly convinced Heidi to write Lauren a letter, and he's upset that he didn't get to read it OR SPELL CHECK IT. So either he's worried that Heidi can't spell (probable) or he's just that controlling (also probable), but it did make me laugh. Stephanie tells Spencer that he can't go to war with the Montags, and he needs to surrender. She also tells him that he can't tell Holly to move out; Heidi has to be the one to do it. Since she doesn't support him unconditionally, Spencer ignores Stephanie and just gives her the thumbs up. She has served her purpose of allowing him to vent his side of the story on camera, so she's excused now.