The Hills

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With This Ring...

Previously: Lauren and Heidi had a sit-down, which didn't go well.

Heidi wants to set a date for the wedding, and Spencer thinks they should elope. Heidi won't budge on the fact that the wedding needs to be in a church. She suggests that Spencer just let her plan it and show up on the appropriate date. Spencer gets all sarcastic about how he'll wear a suit and whatnot, and Heidi snaps right back at him. Kids. If you can't agree on how to get married, how do you expect to agree on how to be married? Wow, that was almost as deep as Lauren's "forgive and forget" line from last week. Also, please note that I'm just weecapping under the assumption that the events on this show are real, or stories, or whatever, because if I spend too much time with the "allegedly" and the "producer-prompted," I'll just drive myself insane.

Lauren, Whitney, and Audrina work out with their trainer, Jarrett. Whitney throws the wimpiest punches ever. Put some muscle into it, girl! Pretend it's that snippy intern from New York! Anyway, Whitney invites Jarrett to go out with them, to a sports bar that, as Lauren explains, they go to when they don't feel like going out. You know, they could just stay home. I realize that's crazy talk.

Over post-workout smoothies, the girls discuss Whitney's big date. Whitney keeps emphasizing that it's not a big deal, so you know she totally thinks it is. Lauren and Audrina keep exchanging glances like, "Are you noticing this? How excited she is?" It's cute. Whitney thinks they should all get ready together, like it's the Homecoming Dance or something. Lauren wants Whitney to get back in the game. She should talk. ["Well, Lauren's in the game...kind of. She's just the worst player in the whole world. ...Okay, you have a point." -- Miss Alli]

Heidi and Spencer go check out a church. Heidi acts like she's booking a location for a fashion shoot instead of, you know, a house of worship. Hey, I didn't get married in a church for a reason; I feel like it's disrespectful to treat a church like any other location. Anyway, I thought Spencer wasn't going to be involved in the wedding planning? The pastor comes out, a very nice Presbyterian named Martha. She explains that they offer a wedding package (so L.A.) that includes required premarital counseling (Spencer's eyebrows go up) and a wedding planner, which Heidi really wants. Martha also explains that they need to book it six months in advance, which seems more than reasonable -- I remember friends having to book their churches a year in advance for summer wedding dates. Martha leaves to let Heidi and Spencer discuss. Heidi loves the church. Spencer just grits his teeth and says it's a great place, because there's nothing like starting a marriage with being unable to admit your true feelings.

Hillside Villas. The girls get ready. Whitney is way overdressed for a sports bar in a lingerie top, leggings, and mocassins. Okay, it doesn't sound that dressy. It's actually really ugly and not figure-flattering at all. How can her girls let her go out like that?

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The Hills

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