The Hills

Episode Report Card
Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
With This Ring...

Sports Bar That I Refuse to Name Because It's Stupid. Jarrett shows up, and somehow, his hair grew like two inches since their training session, which was supposed to be earlier that day. Jarrett invites Whitney to play some pool, and Lauren and Audrina coo about how cute they are together. And Def Leppard is playing on the jukebox, "Pour Some Sugar on Me"! When I played volleyball in high school, that was the song we did our warm-up to. We thought we were so cool. The year before? Come on, take a guess. It was 1988, if that helps. Got a guess? Think redneck. Okay, it was "Welcome to the Jungle." You're welcome. Anyway, Whitney and Chia Jarrett flirt and play pool and Jarrett invites Whitney to do a one-on-one training session. I don't think that's a euphemism. Maybe it is. As you can see by my musical tastes in high school, I'm not one for subtlety. Or good taste.

The next day (I give up on days and times), Whitney and Jarrett go for a hike. At the top of the hill, Jarrett has Whitney do some calisthenics. Somehow, Jarrett's hair grew another two inches. He is a Chia pet. Hey, Jarrett's wearing an "Appetite for Destruction" T-shirt! Probably ironically. But I didn't know that when I wrote the previous paragraph! Anyway, they discuss how awesome the (really smoggy) view is, and how great Jarrett's job is, since he's outside and gets to wear shorts and a T-shirt to work. And then Jarrett asks Whitney out for drinks and she accepts. He makes sure to say "It's a date," like he's Jim and she's Pam. He promises to pick her up.

Heidi looks through some bridal magazines. Spencer makes fun of her for buying them. I really enjoyed being engaged, because I could finally buy bridal magazines without feeling weird. The pictures are pretty! And now that I'm married, I do not care to ever look at another one. Sorry, I keep forgetting this episode isn't about me and my wedding. I loved my wedding. Anyway, Spencer keeps taking thinly veiled jabs at Heidi's desire to have a traditional wedding, and she pretends not to notice.

Teen Vogue Offices. Whitney tells Lauren about her date. Lauren is totally psyched. Whitney tries not to get her hopes up about the whole thing.

The big date. Whitney is wearing some seriously skinny jeans. Jarrett's hair is suddenly shorter again, but not as short as his first scene. Whitney explains that she's not into the whole Hollywood scene. Jarrett makes her promise to go dancing later. Then they discuss astrological signs for no reason. Jarrett says that he's really into his training and he's from New York, so he's always on the hustle. He just got out of a relationship and he's having fun. Whitney feels the same way. They keep talking over each other like they're afraid they'll run out of things to say. No chemistry. ["I also thought it was weird how they kept talking about how they just wanted to have fun, like there was this vibe of, 'Clearly we're not going to date, so it would only be fooling around,, right?'" -- Miss Alli]

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The Hills




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