Frankie's party. To the strains of Rihanna's "Umbrella" (which is a canny choice of a song that's an ode to friendship disguised as a bizarre vagina metaphor), Lauren and Audrina flit around the party until Heidi and Spencer show up. And then they have a walk-off! No, they don't. Heidi simply hands Lauren her letter and Lauren gives her the iciest shoulder you've ever seen. Of note: the severe Le Deux lighting makes Heidi's brow-less visage look even more frightening.

Audrina then recaps the Heidi/Lauren drama to yet another completely uninterested third party. This guy manages to care even less than Chiara did. Audrina goes to find Lauren in the bathroom line. Somewhere else, maybe or maybe not within earshot of said bathroom line, Spencer makes an obnoxious point to thank someone for coming to the housewarming, because "good friends came." See, Heidi? Your friends never liked you! Spencer was right! Don't you feel better now?

In the bathroom, Lauren reads the letter, which contains the usual Heidi self-delusion ("I understand you don't like Spencer, but I didn't do anything") mixed with disarming sincerity ("The housewarming wasn't the same without you"). It's too bad, because Heidi does honestly seem to want to be Lauren's friend, but she wants to have her cake and eat it too. I mean, come on. Obviously it was Spencer who started the sex tape rumor. Obviously. And Heidi can pretend not to know until her 'brows grow back a human color, but it's not going to change the fact, and it's certainly not going to make Lauren want to be her friend any more.

So Lauren's now drunk and pissed off that Heidi still won't admit that the rumor came from Team Speidi. Elsewhere, Heidi's similarly bitching about Lauren. Spencer urges her to "roll up on her," like, what does that even mean? He's speaking gibberish words. Even Heidi's like, "Do what now?" So Heidi (sans Spencer) does track Lauren down and asks her what her problem is. Lauren's all, "Oh I think you know." No one dares utter the phrase "sex tape," which makes this the only time in the history of humankind that I kind of wished Perez Hilton had been walking past at that moment. Lauren gives Heidi the hand and says she never, ever wants to talk to her again. They bicker back and forth about whose life is more deserving of pity (answer: whoever has to log these tapes) and then Lauren starts with the "You know what you did" portion of tonight's argument. Heidi feigns ignorance, forcing Lauren to hedge closer: "You started a sick rumor about me." Heidi's inflection tells all: "I didn't start any rumors about you." Lauren doesn't pick up on it.