The Hills

Episode Report Card
Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
What Happens in Cabo...

Previously, Stephanie wanted to make things right with Spencer for no good reason. Audrina thought about bringing her new guy (Cory) to Cabo with the group, but then she found out JB was going to be there, so she seduced JB in the swimming pool to prove she's over him? Or something.

Everyone boards the plane to go to Cabo. "Everyone," in this case, includes Brody, Doug, Frankie, JB, Lauren and Audrina. Frankie asks Audrina what's up with her and JB, and Audrina says that they're not together and he's planning on hooking up with other girls in Cabo. Dude, JB is sitting like two feet away. Lauren of course has to say something pseudo-philosophical about how they all should leave their emotional baggage at home, except Audrina brought hers with her. Lauren really is the next generation's Carrie Bradshaw. Also, it is revealed that Cory is on tour, so he couldn't have come to Cabo if he wanted to.

Ooh, we're back to the points of ellipses for the episode titles. I guess technically it could be to indicate that it's a portion of a quote, but I don't get why the producers are going all Grammar God on us now. The gang arrives at The Villa, their home for the next few days. Brody is excited about the waves. Audrina discovers that she has been designated to share a room with JB, so Lauren invites her to stay in her room. Not like that, ya perv. I notice that the chyron still identifies JB as Audrina's boyfriend, and since she just said that they're not together, you'd think they'd fix that.

Lauren and Audrina go for a swim in the ocean while the guys chill in the hot tub. Are they having a bromance? Is there any stupider fake word than bromance, really? For some reason they're all wearing baseball caps and sunglasses, except Frankie. Speaking of Frankie, he decides to stir shit up and reveals that Audrina has a new boyfriend, and all she talks about is how he treats her right, and JB never did. Brody thinks that's not right, and Doug proclaims, "All girls are shady." Oh, why don't they all just make out with each other already?

Back in L.A., Stephanie and Heidi go shopping. Stephanie just randomly drops the news that she has a boyfriend, but apparently he doesn't have a name, and Heidi doesn't have any questions about it at all, and I know this whole show is fake, but they could at least try to make it realistic. Like if your friend told you she had a new boyfriend, wouldn't you start asking questions about it? [Not if she has a new one every week. I imagine that would get old fast. - Zach] So Stephanie changes the subject to tell Heidi about how everyone is in Cabo for Brody's birthday. Heidi wonders why Stephanie didn't go, and Stephanie says that Brody hates her, and she and Lauren aren't really getting along, either. So then Heidi has the brilliant idea that she and Spencer should double-date with Stephanie and her new boyfriend, Cameron. Stephanie is hesitant, because Spencer sucks and will probably say something rude. Heidi can't understand why Stephanie would care if her brother doesn't like her boyfriend, since Heidi's whole family hates Spencer. Stephanie is super orange today. I don't know if the color is off on my TV or something, but her skin is glowing orange like a Cheeto. I mean, I just saw George Hamilton on TV an hour ago, and Stephanie is more orange than even him. EVEN GEORGE HAMILTON. Note: For the young people reading this, George Hamilton is an actor from the 1970s known for his perma-tan. Anyway, Heidi keeps pushing for a dinner date, and Stephanie looks like she might throw up and doesn't really answer.

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The Hills




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