Survivor
The Instigator

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Cinema Para-grease-o

Previously on The Devil You Know, The Devil You Don't, And The Devil Who Isn't Really A Devil So Much As A Twerp: The stinky/crawling/decaying food challenge and the lumbering/camera-shy/embarrassing relative challenge came together as one when various mothers and brothers and sons and such gathered to weigh the benefits of seeing their loved ones eight days early against the detriments of hosting a live grub in their intestines. Bucky Bo feared no intestinal parasites, so Big Tom was the winner, and he took Boston Rob and Boston Mike along for a beer blast at the former Camp Chapera. Back at camp, Rupert was unhappy with Rob and Amber for not being as sparkly and perfect as he is -- which, coincidentally, was the same reason he had been squabbling with Jenna earlier. It comes up a lot, apparently. The immunity challenge was surprisingly ragged, full of inept fire-building and half-assed water-carrying and hope against hope that Shii Ann wouldn't swipe immunity for herself again and take up space for another week. She almost did, frighteningly enough, but Big Tom grabbed it at the last minute, much to his own relief. While Shii Ann scrambled back at camp and tried to bring about the booting of Jenna, she was ultimately unable to save her own neck. Goodbye, Shii Ann. May your eyes roll on in happiness, far away from any setting in which I have to watch.

Credits. Remember how much more you liked some of these people at the beginning of the season? Lex? Kathy? And can you believe what a bunch of boring nincompoops wound up on the jury? An "All-Star" season decided on the basis of the opinions of...Alicia and Shii Ann? It's hard to get excited, I have to admit, because most of these people are stiffs. It's like having a gourmet food contest judged by the guy who fries the French toast sticks at Burger King. And burns them about half the time.

The clouds are thick and depressing on Day 34 over Camp Chaboga Mogo, where it is pouring rain. And as you all know, in the lexicon of reality motifs, rain stands for betrayal, just like walking on the beach represents loneliness and birds represent danger if they fly alone and happiness if they fly in groups. What, you didn't know that? What are you, new? Rupert and Big Tom are, for whatever reason, moving a large plank of wood somewhere and laying it down. I think they're covering the fire, but honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if they just do that from time to time -- just kind of rearrange the big logs. You know how there are old ladies who dust their plants every day because it gives them a feeling of control over the universe? Yeah. Same thing. Rupert complains in an interview that the weather is "terrible." It rains every day, their pitiful shelter leaks, and at this point, those who remain "stink like rotten dogs." Yes, that's what he says. "Rotten dogs." I can just imagine him, sitting around on his porch, muttering to his wife, "These dogs stink of rot and death!" But I'm sure he wouldn't chop them up. Probably. Rupert predicts that the challenges will "become more mental, more physical, [and] more stressful." Then he goes all wise-sage on us with this gem: "Camp life is hard." Oh, pipe down, Rupert. Any dog will tell you that rotting is a lot harder. (And so, by the way, is comedy. Rimshot!)

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Survivor

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